Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday April 08, 2003  

When you write erotica the mechanics of sex are interesting. The what can go where and when becomes as much your focus as the actual story. For instance, you wouldn't want to write that you left the male submissive tied to a tree wearing nothing but a pair of shoes and then write that his cock was hard, pushing his panties out in front of him. Things have to follow along in order, logical order. It gets more complicated in a sex scene where two bodies are closer and all the arms and legs get in the way.

It's hard to keep watching for where the fingers are. Luckily people tend to have two arms and all those fingers. It makes it so much easier to have that second hand wandering after you leave the first one at a crucial point. Still, there is the matter of reach to be considered. Two arms attached to the same body can't reach from head to toe if the mouth in engaged on a nipple. It just won't work.

Then there is the whole general positioning thing. If both are facing each other you have all those body parts in good reach. But, turn one away and one person has a limited reach. It would be impossible to stand turned away from someone and reach back and grab a nipple. Well, not impossible but not easy and likely a strategically placed mirror would be a big help.

Which brings me to another tricky part, toys and equipment. You can't write about ball gags if you've never (at least) seen one. If you've never seen a leather mask how can you write about it's use? If you don't know how a whip is used can you write about whipping someone in a safe, sane, consensual way?

The mechanics of sex can definitely backfire on you in erotica. That's why it's so good to stick with what you know. Of course, you can also have all the fun of getting to know more, trying new things and exploring your options.

I'm about to log off BackWash and go watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then Angel. Why, I don't know. I never thought I would like a show about vampires. Sometimes I like the clothes, but I'm not going to become a clothes horse any time soon. Besides I can't see Buffy fashions suiting me. I'm not blonde and young enough.

It's not the Witch element cause that is pretty far fetched. It's not any admiration for sexy hunks of male flesh, well maybe the odd time. But most of them are out of my age range. It is possible the Goth/ BDSM aspects of the show. It's possibly the female heroines too. Of course, there are some really good lines written in both shows too. I do like humour in unexpected places.

Anyway, now it's 8:00, time to go down and turn on the boob tube. Don't you feel silly just sitting there sometimes? I always do. I have to bring something else to do or I feel like I'm doing nothing and wasting my time. Which, it is really but I'm willing to overlook it a couple of nights a week.

PS- You wouldn't believe how much erotic and BDSM Buffy and Angel stuff there is online. Search for fan fiction if you're curious enough to see it for yourself. I think Buffy has a lot of potential as a fantasy Domme, she's obviously in control and intent on keeping it that way.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday April 01, 2003  

I posted to an email list for a local BDSM group. They are having a munch in a few days and I thought I would introduce myself and let them know I was thinking to attend. That might sound arrogant, but I'm a bit shy of meeting a group of people in a downtown bar. I'm not the bar type, wallflowers generally go to events where people aren't "getting wasted" or giving up their inhibitions and self control. We actually like polite gatherings like tea parties, church bazaars and garden shows.

Anyway, I had three emails in reply, off the list. One (the first I read) was great, a very nice welcome to the list and encouragement to attend and not feel out of place. I appreciated that one. It was, first of all, kind and second of all respectful of me as a person.

The other two emails made me feel under attack. How could someone, a grown up, send a list of his sexual demands and preferences to a perfect stranger, unasked? No introduction, or any kind of greeting/ salutation, just right to the gritty stuff. It was impersonal form mail with typos and grammar mistakes. It was rude or at the very least extremely impolite. I did not ask for any kind of onslaught but I certainly got it.

I was angry and a little upset. It was certainly disconcerting to be shown into some strange man's bedroom without ever seeing the front door. Do they think every female is a hooker or just treat them all that way? At the scent of a woman they pounced, eagerly listing all their desires, demands and what they expect in a woman.

Well, I didn't ask!!! What's more, I don't even want to know. I don't want to know how much you like bondage, sex toys, what your limits are and how eager you are to be Dommed. Before you tell me all your sexual needs how about telling me who the F**K you are!!!

More than that... how about having some interest in who I am. Obviously they can have no real interest in me. They asked nothing about who I am, what I like, what I do, etc. Obviously, they don't care if I sometimes feel vulnerable and find it hard to trust people. Obviously, I don't matter as I'm only something they can use to masturbate with.

Anyway, I definitely feel rattled by the attack emails. I don't know if I will go to the munch. I don't want the live version of attack emails. Can you imagine walking into a room, feeling nervous, unsure and suddenly having two men stick their cocks in your face? Don't laugh, that's how it feels.

PS- For those who read these columns expecting stroke fodder, piss off. There is a lot more to life and people.

PPS - Yes, I'm angry. Bite me.

I tried, I really did. I tried not to be the angry columnist at Adult BW. I thought about giving men a break. But, it didn't last long. Just three emails did it all in. You can read the details in my column.

But, the question remains: are there any men who are more than the sum of one of their parts? Even the few I think of as human (as opposed to dickheads) could have been less than human in the past. Does that negate what they are now? I have to vote no on that. Mainly due to the whole running out of options thing. After all, there are only 2 sexes.

I was just going to ask why so many men treat women like sluts, something along the lines of a convenient sex toy. But, inspiration strucketh me. They do it because that is what they know.

Once, in a web chat one of the women asked the men in the group how it felt when they had an orgasm. None of them really had an answer. But, from the discussion, as it went on, I gathered that they don't have an orgasm the way women think of it. For them it seems to be more like a tap being surged to full speed and then shut off. That simple and that small.

For women (in case you don't know) an orgasm can start at your toes and rebound up to your hair roots before it explodes at the pussy level. I don't think men have anything like that. For them it seems to be a physical release, mechanical and then done until the next time. So why do they even bother, a sensible woman might ask. Me too. But, since they don't know what they are missing they have nothing to compare it to. Their orgasm seems just great, to them.

No wonder most erotica written by men offers nothing more than stroke fodder. They just have no idea how great sex can really be.

I've never found a vibrator that I like. They aren't comfortable. You might be thinking vibrators aren't exactly bought for comfort. But, in a way they are. You want one that feels good. Mine never do.

Plus, they tend to disappear when I move. I don't know where the last one I bought went to. I had it in a box packed with various other things. I can only think someone poked through my things and took it. I doubt anyone would steal some else's vibrator so likely it was someone deciding I shouldn't have one. People are just too damn nosy and self righteous.

But, I don't especially care. As I said, I've never really become attached to them. The one my husband bought for the honeymoon was the same as all the rest. We only used it once. When we divorced I left all the toys with him. The only ones I ever really used were the ben wa ball type things. Of course, they were meant to be used anally but I found them much more fun as a pussy toy.

Anyway, I'm getting into the range of typing more than I really want anyone to know. Eventually I'll find another lover (one who actually enjoys sex) and then where will you all be? Probably reading about how he farted in bed! LOL