I'm not good at meeting men. I married the first guy I had sex with and I didn't get married until I was over 30. Then that didn't work out so I'm back to square one with a few more dents than I started with. But, I am back, sort of. I don't know what I'm looking for or what I want. I used to know. These days I don't even know what I need. There is no type.

I hear other women discussing men and saying "He's not my type." What does that mean really? He doesn't interest me is what I think it really means. So just say it.

So many women are looking for a man. But our way of doing it is coy. Meet his eyes once, then look away and pretend you're not taking peeks at him when you think he isn't going to see you peeking. Kid stuff. Suck it up and meet his gaze, draw it to you and pull the poor bastard in. If he doesn't come over fine, he might be a good boy or a married boy. Don't get discouraged just move along to the next one.

The less you want a man the more they seem to be drawn to you. My married sister attracts more men than I do. But, I think somehow they can sense I'm looking. She isn't. She has two kids, a husband she can really count on who does stand up to her when he chooses to. They're an interesting blend of two people.

Anyway, I think if I decided I don't really want to bother with men I'd soon have one. But, the odd part is that except for sex, companionship and children I really don't want a man. I can open my own jars, take care of bugs and I can always buy a step ladder if I need one to reach high shelves.

The CFNM fetish is a turn on for me. But, the cuckolding thing leaves me wondering what kind of man would really be turned on by this. I couldn't or at least wouldn't take part in a cuckolding fetish if I really cared for the man in question. Maybe it's the wallflower in me.

Anyway, the CFNM (Clothed Female, Naked Male) thing is something I would enjoy doing. When I was looking for more about it online I found it on sites about male strippers. I guess it is comparable to that scenario. But, not the same. Male strippers are on a stage and there is a 'touch me not' kind of feeling to it. Sure, they gyrate around and let you cop a feel here and there in exchange for your dollars, but there is still something inaccessible about the whole thing.

I think there is a lack of interaction. It's too noisy and crowded to really have that connection you get when things are more intimate with some male you know, well enough to know his weak spots.

Besides, those men on stage aren't vulnerable. They're putting on a show, they know how the night will end. But, your poor naked male, off stage, doesn't really know what you have in mind. Sure, he can guess or hope. But, that doesn't mean he's right. Or that he'll get any. When he's the only one naked, maybe bound as well, things are not so easily in his control. I like that feeling, of knowing he is vulnerable and I'm not. I like being the one in charge.

Although, it's also fun to have the tables turned. If he can pull it off.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday May 31, 2003  

"So, why do you want this job, Jack?" She looked him over, slowly. He wasn't what she had been expecting at all. He was tall, a little slender in that wiry way. Short sleeves showed off the muscles of his arms and she especially liked good biceps on a man. But, why would this guy want a job as her personal caretaker and sex pet?

He was quiet too. Just watching her right back, maybe thinking, maybe reconsidering this whole idea. Whatever idea had brought him this far.

"I need the money and this was the only job that sounded interesting. I don't see myself as the sales or customer service type." He smiled and showed off really nice, white teeth. …more

You know that secret fantasy, the one you'd never tell anyone... is it about being abducted, raped or otherwise forced to do things? How shocking to have a fantasy of being raped or kidnapped. You hussy, you!

A rape fantasy is just a way of giving up control and not being an accomplice to the things you really want to do. I'm not saying you want to be beaten, forced to have sex and so on. But, you may want to stop feeling a bit like a bad girl when you do want all those naughty sex things.

At least that's how I see it. When it's "against your will" you aren't letting it happen and you aren't making it happen. It's all happening to you. He's having his wicked way with you, you poor thing you.

The fantasy can be delicious. The reality would be horrible and we know that. But, what does one have to do with the other?

Could you plan your fantasy abduction? It would be more seduction than abduction. Or at least a good part seduction mixed in with the abduction.

Of course, you'd be looking great, wearing something hot and perhaps on the skimpy side. Your one conciliation is to dress for the part. From there on it's out of your hands.

Where are you? In a parking lot after being career goddess all day? In the shopping mall, grocery store or wherever he finally tracks you down?

Does he use drugs or just over power you? Does he tie you up or just cart you off quickly before anyone sets up a protest or gets in his way? Or maybe it was in an out of the way place and no one will even know you're gone for days and days, if ever?

Then comes the slobbering sex, we all know it. He rips off your clothes or you just wake up naked. His body takes control of your body and he takes what he wants. Maybe it's a space alien with weird alien body parts. Maybe it's a mad scientist with weird medical type tools. Or maybe it's a complete stranger, how weird is that?

But what happens after the great sex scene? Does your fantasy go that far? Mine don't, not really. My fantasy just runs for the time it takes me to have an orgasm. But, it would be interesting to know the aftermath. Does your fantasy abductor just say thanks and take you home? Does he offer marriage or some form of long term relationship?

What do you really want from your fantasy guy?

It's 4:36 am, I don't feel sexy. alluring or all that much like flirting. But, here I am. Alone with my computer and the chirping birds outside. All I can think about the birds is that the worm population is in big trouble. I didn't think even birds got up this early.

Anyway, to answer the unasked questions. I'm wearing a blue nightie. It's soft and cottony. There is a drawstring neckline. The ribbon slips untied and my cleavage is revealed. I tested it out myself, I wanted to know if I could make the top low enough to expose myself. It seemed important at the time. Some day I won't be the only one appreciating my cleavage.

That's all I'm wearing. No socks, no bra, no panties. Just one short nightie over my skin.

Last night I wore an older nightie, it's leftover from the honeymoon of my marriage. The nightie is long, satiny and slinky. I can fold it up and hold the whole thing in my fist. Though it's long there is almost nothing to the top. It's cut low, so low I can never keep my breasts inside, safe from popping out. The front reveals me all the way down to my belly button. The rest of it is just straps to keep the nightie from falling to the floor. It's pretty, pink, but not something you would want to wear around small children.

It's 4:47 am, the birds are still chirpy outside my window. But, it's time for me to get to bed. I'm so glad I can sleep in tomorrow. It's so nice to stay in bed, warm and cozy, alone with my imagination and my fingers.