I bought the new Cosmo tonight after work. It's not the Cosmo your Mother once knew. At least that's what you'd like to think. Anyway, before I start rambling on uselessly about Mother's and getting ancient before my time...

The top stories at Cosmo are naked bartenders (want your drink shaken or stirred?), Drew Barrymore's love life, sex positions and how to be a sexy goddess. Well, we already know the answer to that last one. We're all just born goddesses, woman born of woman, how could we be anything else but a goddess. Yeah, I know, you think I must be kidding. I'm not really, not entirely anyway. I wish we all thought of ourselves as goddesses. Thought that well of ourselves as we are.

The article that I wandered into first was about your sex dreams and what they say about you. As if anyone could guess what your dreams mean to you. Each of us looks at the world in our own unique way, no one cold understand your dreams better than you can yourself. Not that it's easy but if you think about how you feel about each element in your dream you have a good start at figuring them out.

Anyway, if you're dreaming of sex with the boss you are admiring something about them. Maybe you want to be more of a leader, have more success, confidence or power. Does that mean all my dreams about the man in charge are cause I want to be the man in charge? Not that I want to be a man at all. Just the one in charge of all the other men. Poor bastards.

If you dream about your best friend's guy you are admiring her taste in men. It doesn't mean you want to go out and grab him for yourself. Well, sort of, but you have more class than that, right?

You're dreaming of sex with an actor... you just want something kind of wild and no strings attached. Wham, bam, thank you man. Kind of like sex with a one night stand. You don't know the celebrity, he could be a total jerk and it wouldn't matter cause you don't really want to know him or spend real quality time getting to know him. You just want his body.

My personal favourite... you're doing kinky stuff with your guy, in your dreams. According to the article you want to do more kinky stuff outside of your dreams. You want him to take charge and lead the way to bondage, fantasies and other naughty stuff you might not even write in your diary!

The last one isn't a dream about sex but it's one that I have often, strangely enough for an almost virgin wallflower. The dream of flying and enjoying it means you are happy with your sex life. The feeling of soaring through the air means you are feeling free sexually. Oh well, shows that these dream articles don't hit all the bases.

So what base will you and your guy get to tonight? Don't let him score too easily, the longer he takes the more time you get to enjoy it.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Sunday June 15, 2003  

I have a little man. I often take him with me inside my purse. He's naked all the time. I like to open my purse and have a look at him now and then. Sometimes I enjoy picking him up and blowing gently over his body. He always gets excited. His little cock pricks right up and he makes the cutest tiny little moans as he gets harder and harder, needing so much to finally come. Sometimes I let him. I just carefully wrap him up in a tissue and let him blow. He's easy to clean up, one tissue is more than enough.

Sometimes I like to let him out to walk about on my desk at work. Everyone thinks he is some kind of wind up toy. A pornographic toy but still a toy. They laugh at his antics and wonder how he was made. Other women ask me where I got him so they can get one too. But, I never tell. After all, as far as I know he is the only one. The only tiny man, at his best he is 12 centimetres tall. Like most guys though he likes to pretend size is an issue and he insists he is actually a full 14 centimetres. What can I say, he's in denial.

It's cute having a little man to play with. He is completely normal but for his size. However, I've gradually trained him to clean up after himself and not make all that mess and noise in the first place. Sometimes he grumbles that I keep him as a pet. But, really, what else could a little man be? It's not like you can send him off to work every morning and expect he'd make it back in time for dinner.

Once, I did try to find clothes for him. I bought a few outfits meant for a Ken doll. But he said they didn't fit right, far too tight in the crotch apparently. Unless that was just more manly bragging. So, I keep him naked all the time now. It's kind of funny to watch him walk with that teeny pendulum swinging between his legs. He gets angry if I laugh, so I just keep it to myself.

Whatever else you may say about his size he more than makes up for it with stamina and appetite. He is always in the mood for sex. When I watch TV he likes to surprise me and slip under my nightie. My breasts are his favourite target. He can't really suck on my nipples, they tend to choke him if he sucks too much into his mouth. But he still loves the shape and softness of breasts.

I like it best when he slips down my belly and begins playing with my pussy and clit. It's so delicious how much he can do down there. A bigger man would never discover all the secret, tender places my little man has found. Plus, though it sounds kind of indecent, he can fit his whole body into my vagina. I'm not sure how he breathes but he never seems to worry about it.

He really is like a pocket vibrator. Only he never needs batteries. He is much better for the environment that way. If you wander into a little man of your own I highly suggest keeping him. Just don't let him eat snacks in bed at night. He makes a REAL big mess for such a little man.

Have you ever had a fantasy about a small man? A real small, tiny man, not just a short guy. Imagine yourself naked on the bed and a little man making love to you. It's probably too weird to even be a fetish but I have thought about it.

I've imagined how it would feel to have a little man playing with my nipples, licking my belly and down until he slipped right into the wet curls of my pussy. Imagine that little man sucking on your clit. The focus he could put on it over some regular guy.

Or maybe it's just me.

I once met a man who was a midget. He told me some people have a huge fetish about midgets and sex. I'd never even thought about it until then. Since then, I've moved beyond midgets to men who are just a few inches tall.

Anyway, think about it sometime when your lover is snoring beside you. How would it be to have a little man, how much better would he be than your own fingers or that hunk of battery operated plastic?

Originally posted to Adult BackWash June, 12, 2003.

George Clooney is the perfect man. He's just the right age, he has a great, sexy voice and he's lovely and tall. I even like his bushy eyebrows, though he has tamed them for the movies. He likes kids, he was a great doctor on ER. He was nice to women on Rosanne and the Facts of Life. You know he's got to be pretty smart to be a doctor too. It's not just about physical passion with George and I.

I especially love it when he picks me up after work. He always comes in to get me. That way I get to show him off and we walk out huddled together. We drive home, talking about whatever. It doesn't matter what he says, just that he says it. It's the voice and the fact that he wants me to hear about his day and know that I'm important to him. All that kind of nice mushy stuff.

Next, I really like when we go out somewhere together. He pulls out my chair, opens the doors and pays the bill. Of course, he has a much bigger bank account than mine, but I surprise him for his birthday and the other odd occasion, just to keep him on this toes. Still, it's so nice to be out with George, a man so attentive and considerate. He is the best dinner date, always has intelligent conversation and knows something about everything.

I bet you didn't know what a sexy laugh George has. I go out of my way to make him laugh just so I can listen to him and see that sparkle in his eyes. You should see what a flirt he is too! But, it's all for fun, I know he's coming home with me.

What a lover too! He shares all my fantasies, my lust and adds his own. Plus, he loves to cuddle in bed, on the couch, the floor, the kitchen counter and all that cuddling tends to build up steam until we can't wait to be skin on skin.

They say he'll never marry, settle down, or have kids. But, they just don't know about my secret love affair with George Clooney. Frankly, neither does he. Let's just keep it that way. It's much more fun to play with him for my own amusement.

There is a TV commercial showing men with breasts. At the end it's a commercial about checking for breast cancer. But, the whole concept of the commercial is flawed. They are saying that if men had breasts they would carefully, lustfully look after them. One guy is washing his car and then looks down at his T-shirt covered breasts and moves the hose over for his own wet T-shirt contest. I forget what the others are doing, mainly admiring themselves.

But, it's annoying. If men had breasts they would do exactly the same things women do. Just as if women were born without breasts or with a cock. Your body is something you mostly take for granted, whatever the sum of your parts. Yes, having breasts are part of what makes us feel like women. Just as having a cock makes men feel like men. But, they are still body parts, the real part of your body that feels like a woman is your brain, your mind.

However, what if men were not born with breasts. What if overnight all men sprouted breasts. I think they would completely freak out. I doubt their first reaction would be admiration. Having breasts would threaten their masculinity, how they feel about being men. In private moments they might fondle themselves, out of curiosity or lust for the female form. But, if they had a choice of keeping them or going back to their regularly scheduled hairy chests, which do you really think they would choose?

It would be more interesting if men suddenly had the option of childbirth, from start to finish. Would they or wouldn't they?