Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Wednesday May 05, 2004  

I didn't know I have perfect boobs. Now that I know, I'm seriously impressed with myself. I never thought those two roundish lumps could be considered perfect. I've always had a fondness for them. I could even go so far as to say I'm... proud of them. They're not bad as, two roundish lumps stuck to the front of my body, go.

But, to hear they are perfect. Well, that kind of blows my mind. Perfect! Perfect covers a lot of ground.

Perfect is in the eye of the beholder and the hands of the beholder too for that matter. So if he thinks I have perfect boobs, more power to me. More of other things to him but we'll get to that later, much later. Probably long after your bedtime.

So, now I'm sitting pretty. Perfect boobs protruding just a bit more than usual.

It is kind of odd being a woman, having two appendages sticking out in front of you. Can't ignore them. Kind of rude looking I sometimes think. As a high school girl I would just give in to the inevitable and rest my boobs on the desk. It hit at just that level. What else could you do? No one could sit that straight in those hard ass chairs all day. So, boobs ended up sitting on my desk. Maybe that is the secret of my perfect boobs, allowing them their place in the halls of learning.

I also think it's good that I don't always restrain them into boob traps, boulder holders, bras, etc. Let them have a little freedom to bob, bounce and sway. Boobs like to get out a bit, see the world and have some fun. Grrls just want to have fun! All the girls. I think it's cute how some women call them "the girls". I don't do it myself. Maybe it's just that bit too cute for me.

Anyway, me and my perfect boobs are about to hit the shower and get to bed tonight. Boobs are easy to wash. Just soap them up, rub around the nipples, under and around the breast and rinse. Other areas are more complicated, involve more steps and less modesty.

Good night. Sweaty dreams.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Thursday April 29, 2004  

Would you torment your Mother?

I am coming to the conclusion that my Mother is on the nosey side. Before now I would have defended her nosiness as Motherly concern. But, really, what Mothers really ask about intimate details. How intimate do they need to know? Why do they even ask? Do they think we are all sexual deviants?!

Well, maybe we are. To them at least. My Mother and sisters will not do things that I will do. That does not make me a... you know... Nor does it make them frigid. It's just a mind set thing really. They have their minds set against going below the belt. I don't. I broke the standard of nice grrl-ness and I did go below the belt. I plan to do it again too.

But, do you tell your Mother? Or your sisters? Brothers? Debatable, highly debatable. In spite of what they might say I don't think they would like that I did that. I don't think it would add to their quality of life to know that I did that either. It wouldn't do much for me personally either. Even though there is a bit of shock factor. Just a bit.

So, though these intimate details are prone to slip out when I'm not thinking to watch what I'm saying, I don't plan to hand them out. But, I can see how they could be used to torment family members.

Still, it's more fun tormenting other people, in other ways...

I can think of a few... dozen... ways.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Sunday April 18, 2004  

What women want in bed...

Why do they think this is a great topic? Instead let's work on the real question... What DON'T women want in bed. That will take more work than the other version.

Why do you people read this column, really? I wonder that so often. I know people read it. I see the crusty fingerprints on my monitor. I wipe the fog of your breath off my screen. But, always I wonder what is the interest factor here. I'm so sexually bland. Nothing happens. Maybe that is it. You just wonder how anyone can get to such an advanced age and not be sexually active, at least a spark or two. Me too. If it wasn't for frequent self inflicted orgasms I would blow away, dust on the wind.

Another columnist over on the blue (we are the good guys) side is contemplating a column on the red side. Go for it! I don't remember why I started really. Pretty much gave into the temptation. Thought I had something to say. Wanted to see what would happen. Some combination of those. If you know the columnist I mean send him an email. Tell him to get over here, cum here, in effect.

Anyway, now that I'm, even more distracted... Did you know that I said the F word to Eric? It was in context at the time.

So anyway...

Did I mention how much I like Eric? Ok, stop gagging, Sarah!

After the divorce I thought I would never touch a guy's cock again. Let alone the whole kissing, sucking and licking thing. But, now I want it! Eric's in particular, well probably only Eric's really.

So, what don't women want in their bed? We don't want men who are unclean. Shower before you think about getting us to play with any of your parts. Make sure you are clean all over and under. Don't miss any spots. Got that? If not, get it, soon!

Originally posted at Adult BackWash: Sunday April 11, 2004  

One unusual thing that does make me kind of hot is... bug sex.

Yeah, I bet you're laughing now. But, really, bugs are very kinky creatures. Bugs have been kinky since before it was a fashion statement. Bugs don't even care if it's fashionable, socially acceptable or gets them off. Well, not in that way exactly. I mean to a bug getting off isn't about orgasm so much as it's about having a good meal.

Bugs get away with extreme kinkiness. They eat their lovers, it's pretty routine for them. They think nothing of a little boyfriend after a good screw. For those who think smoking after sex is bad... HAH! Try ripping off your lovers head and see who's really bad!

Plus, bugs wear all that kinky armour. You thought leather and rubber were tough, you haven't seen tough until you wear armour plating to bed. No wonder bugs have so many kinky positions. No one wants to poke an eye out and miss the main event.

Bugs have all kinds of sexual perversions. From where they lay those eggs to how long they can stay at 'it', bugs are pretty unique. Think about it... they may exist a short time but they pack a lot of sex into that time. Bugs really are the sluts of the animal world.

I was going to write about a woman who spreads peanut butter on her personal areas and gets her dog to lick it off. But, that is so tame compared to bug sex. Who would be impressed by a pussy licking dog compared to lovers who have sex for four days, then she eats him and uses a passing pedestrian to...

Oh well, you get the idea. Bug sex is hot!

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday April 03, 2004  

Women clean mess and men tend to make mess. There are exceptions. But, generally, women clean and men mess. Looking at links this morning, gathering porn for the masses, I started thinking about this whole mess issue.

Men talk about cum shots, cumming on her, and how it drips down her face, etc. My first reaction is ewww. In my mind I'm thinking about having that stuff on me. That mess. Then, how long do you have to wear that mess to make him happy? How will it feel when it's sliding along your skin, starting to feel more like cold muck and getting kind of crusty. Ewww. Messy! Icky!

I am willing to try this. You should try to try things before deciding you don't like them. But, I do have that whole ewww mess idea in my mind. Not that I'm a neat freak. It's just the idea of having mess on my skin. If it was just my shirt I could take that off and still be clean underneath.

Maybe for the men it's kind of marking their territory. That seems feasible since we know animals pee all over the place to mark their spots. Men are territorial. So maybe the cumming on their women is just proving that is their woman. Something like that.

I can see how for him it could be very erotic, even romantic in a way. Consider the whole swallowing issue. Do you? I haven't gone there yet. It won't be so new next time. It's a matter of deciding to do it. In a way it's kind of a shame women have the tidy gene to get over before doing any of this stuff. For him it could be a very personal thing, about trust and love. But for her it's about getting over that whole mess thing first.