Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday June 11, 2004

Don't laugh... but did you know people are afraid of me? More specifically, men are afraid of me. I can hear you laughing. It's true though.

Not all men of course. Just those who get a bit close to me and not counting my brother of course. Brothers are on a planet of their own. Boyfriends past are afraid to hurt me. At least that is what I am assuming. I'm not made of glass, China or highly flammable polyester. Yet they fear hurting me. Causing damage. All that stuff. They don't want to tell me when things are over. They hesitate, delay and wait. I'm not sure what they are waiting for. The right time? Is there a right time to break up with someone? How about 4 o'clock? That could become the official right time. Give those guys a proper time to make it easier for them, and me.

It's not fun waiting for a guy to tell you it's over. I don't like it at all. Todd, my ex husband, waited at least 5 months to tell me. All that time I thought he was mad at me for something. He didn't speak to me. How was I to know he was just waiting for the right time?

In the case of Eric, this time I didn't settle for being the princess in the ivory tower. I asked him as directly as I had the courage to do. Even then I waited a week and wrote again to tell him we were broken up myself. I don't see how you can imagine yourself as a couple when it's pretty plain he considers you aren't, in deeds if not in so many words. So Eric is gone. He doesn't want a relationship right now. He is happy with his life as it was, before me.

The whole problem with me, I'm coming to see, is that I take up space. How silly of me. I'd be perfect if I could be invisible and without substance somehow. Or maybe the robot woman.

The match for the robot man I wanted myself. Is that the secret after all this time? Do men and women really not want each other at all. What everyone really wants, the ideal life partner, is mechanical or artificial, perhaps even disposable. Someone you can store under the bed, in the closet, or the garage? Take them out to use as needed and then push them aside into some corner until needed or wanted again. The ultimate relationship is with someone who takes up no space. Maybe robots could be made to shrink when not in use. Just add water to have your instant significant other as desired. You'd never have to make room in your home or your life for an artificial life form.

Which brings you to the point where you have to wonder why you ever wanted it in the first place.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday June 04, 2004  

I know about the whole opening jars, reaching high shelves and squishing icky bugs thing... but do we really need men? Think about it.

When was the last time you couldn't open a jar by yourself? There are tricks you can figure out. I find running it under the warm water tap and then hitting it around the edges with a knife handle works well. Also smack it on the bottom a few times and see if that sucker doesn't loosen up.

Next, reaching things. Not every guy is actually tall enough to reach things you can't reach yourself. Consider getting a step ladder for the rest. Step ladders are pretty much maintenance free.

Down to the bug issue. I have found men are just as icked out about bugs as most women I know. So, really, this is not an advantage to having a man around the house. Squish your own bugs, learn to trap them and flush or dump them outside. However you do it, you can get rid of the squickiest bug without the assistance of a man.

So, what's left? Sex? Make me laugh! Every woman can learn how to do that herself. Plus no worries about disease, unwanted pregnancies or sleeping in wet spots. Quick, clean and to the point.

I used to think I'd like a robot man around. But, really, it would just be one more thing to dust. Get rid of the fantasy and stop looking for a man. Instead become your own man. Whatever you thought you needed from a man you can do for yourself. Just tap your ruby slippers a few times and think about not sharing a bathroom.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday May 25, 2004  

The question of the night is... What am I doing here?

Me, the good girl. Yes, I know you've heard that before. But now add to that the daughter of the deceased. When is it ok to start writing erotica again after a death in the family? Do they have a Miss Manners Guide for bad girls? Or even for good girls who like to play with the bad girls? Or just my own personal Miss Manners Guide to my own personal life since no one else seems to be looking for the same polite rules of conduct I'm looking for. I'm an oddity. I've heard it before.

Gracie and Big Blonde have a past. They were (are) professional women. Not lawyers, doctors or that sort of thing. Though, who knows what they might start next week?!

But, me, I'm a dud. I know... here you thought I could teach your old dog a few new tricks and you read about my wicked ideas and had such high hopes. Let me crush those for you now. I could be a born again virgin. I think I will just give up on the whole thing. I'm getting too old. Besides, I am very well self taught when it comes to pleasing women, one woman anyway.

Is there some point when a man just gets in the way?

I think that must be the reverse of prostitution or being a hooker, whore, etc. I won't even type the nastier ones. If you are being paid to please a man you can't start off by thinking he is in the way, can you? Not very good customer service. Even I know that just as a cashier and I only have to count their change. If I prefer I don't even have to physically touch them. I do prefer it that way actually. Do you know how gross some people really are, up close? ICK! It's enough just taking their money.

If I was a prostitute I would make them all wear full body condoms. I don't even want one curly little hair escaping. Yes, suffocation is a danger, but not for me! He can take the risk. If he really seems to be suffering I'll poke an air hole somewhere. I'm not completely mean.

If I was a prostitute I would always be the Domme. No way could I submit to some guy I've just met. Most of them are drooling idiots anyway. How can you submit to someone you're laughing at on the inside?

If I was a prostitute I would demand references from their last three lovers, up front. I don't want someone fumbling around pretending they have a clue. If I have to show them where my clit is they might as well just play with themselves awhile and then get out. Would they know the difference? I think not.

But, I'm not a prostitute. I'm not about to become one though the money would come in handy. I don't think I can become detached enough. Plus it should all be about me, pleasing me, how good I feel, etc. If it becomes about pleasing some dickhead of a guy... that's just gross. What's in it for me? Me! Me! Me!

Maybe that's the difference between a nice girl and a bad girl. Nice girls always finish last. If at all. No wonder I don't fit in.

Now if only Martha would return my calls about the whole erotica writing/ good manners thing.

Give a man a free hand, and he'll try to run it all over you. - Mae West

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Monday May 17, 2004  

From The Unholy.... http://sex-kitten.net/unholy.htm

Sign- Wood Dragon

Nick Names- You wouldn't dare....

Hair color at the moment- Always chestnut.

Eye Color- Always blue.

Best asset- Depends on your point of view.

Strength- Blabability, creativity.

Weakness- Easily distracted.

Status- Single

Pets- My ideal pet has a sexy voice and man hands.

Music notes- Cello, oldies, show tunes, folksie.

Personal style choice- My own.

Passions- Words, writing, ingenuity and creativity.

Addictions- See above.

Goal- To become a real dragon and fly around the world.

Go buy me- Something practical, intriguing and exotic. New bedding, nighties, books or computer stuff. But, I have to pick them.

Favourite quotes- "The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." - Eden Phillpotts "What's ahead of me and what's behind me are nothing compared to what's inside me." - Jean Shapiro

Spirit guides- Dragons!

What rocks me- The endless self inflicted orgasm.

What socks me- Being cornered, restricted, etc. Hyper-critical people.

Currently lusting after- Some sort of android, robot man.

What I'm Wearing- Soft cotton nightie. Extremely low cut and on the short side.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday May 08, 2004  

I don't say the F word, I just do it. Why is it so bad to say fuck but not so bad to fuck? It's like that whole cock sucker thing which I have written about here before and will probably rehash eventually.

I give up on calling it the F word here. It's easier to type fuck and it does have that lovely shock factor. Are you shocked? Don't you like being shocked. The badness of being the one to shock and the tingling titillation of the one being shocked. Giggle.

No, I didn't just giggle. That would be beneath me. I am a dragon, dragons don't really giggle. We growl and grin a lot though.

Anyway, I've always been a good girl and I have always been select in my vocabulary. Not because fuck is a bad word so much. Mainly just because it's kind of crude and just not me. Or, not how I see me as being me. After all, there are so many words to choose from. Why say fuck when sex or make love will do?

But, there is something about saying fuck to your lover at just the right key moment. No, not eff off, not that kind of key moment. I mean the more flavourful and sensual... 'let's fuck'. The suggestion of doing something naughty, slightly forbidden and downright bad.

Still, I am select in which words I would use. I wouldn't say screw. I don't like tit or cunt. Those just sound so ugly and hard.

I have yet to say fuck in his presence, face to face. It is quite different to type it than to actually speak it. He's also select in his word use. I like that about him. Also, it makes the occasional fuck word extra noticeable, erotic and bad. It's fun to be bad sometimes. I intend to be quite bad on Tuesday when we will be in Ottawa. I expect there will be some doing and saying going on. I'm planning on it.

Even for nice grrls there are times when you just grin wickedly and say fuck it all.