Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Monday July 19, 2004  

Is it just coincidence that I tend to think of ideas for this column while I'm in the shower?

During tonight's shower I came up with a theory of sorts, something to explain men's preoccupation with their cock size. Yes, one of the things that women have wondered about for ages. Now, I understand. It all makes sense once you consider their need to know numbers when it comes to a woman's body too.

How many times have you been asked for your measurements, your bust size, your weight, height and so on, right down to the length of your hair. Yet, have you ever heard of a woman asking a man for his measurements? Not me. Why is this?

I have a theory about that too. (It was a long, hot, steamy shower).

Men understand what those numbers mean in relation to a woman's body. Women on the other hand, have no idea. Not that we are ignorant, hardly! But, a man can be tall and weigh 200+ pounds and what does that really mean. Is he muscular or chubby? Men's weight gives no clue to their physical build. So what is the point of trying to figure out the numbers. None!

If you tell a man you prefer a 6. Does he assume you are talking about feet or inches? That was something else I thought about while soaping up my various curvy parts. I like a 6, a six footer. What do the inches matter, who sees those anyway?! No, much more impressive to have a 6 footer on your arm. Everyone can see a nice tall man. No one will ask him to open his pants and show his inches.

I think that works in reverse too. Men like women with big boobs cause they show. Other men can see those DD cups and drool over them, but not touch. Other men can penis envy him so he can strut around like a proud cock and it doesn't matter about his actual cock. Hope you are still on the same page here. By this time the mirror was pretty fogged up and I couldn't even see myself to think.

I think it's one of my best theories yet. But, who knows what will come up in tomorrow's shower.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday July 10, 2004

A few weird facts picked up from the web. Made me laugh. I won't tell which ones made me laugh the most.

Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: lean meat, oysters, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet:

Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.

Dairy products can create a foul taste.

The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.

Acidic fruits and alcohol (except processed liquors) give it a pleasant and sugary taste.

Examples: mangos, oranges, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)

Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 - 2004)

What is your body for? Some people might think it's a mode of transportation for their brain. Some people might think it's something to be used to lure men to their doom, like the legendary sirens. Some might talk about procreation, having babies, continuing the species, all that sort of stuff. Some others might think it's just advertising in motion.

Whatever it's for, do you know much about how it works? How do breasts make milk for babies? Why does your vagina leak even when you aren't having an orgasm? Why do women have hair in odd places where only men should have hair? These and other questions can be answered if you care to find out. Most young women don't know about milk ducts, or how the vagina cleans itself by leaking mucus. They don't know what makes a woman's breasts start having milk. Why are they so ignorant?

I think it's because we are so focused on making women's bodies into sex toys that we have forgotten there is a real purpose for women being different from men. It's not just a way to turn them on. No, Virginia, there really is a vagina, not just a pussy.

Women have babies, that's the whole point of that period thing women get monthly. Women feed babies, that's why we have those pair of lumps stuck to the front of us. Women give birth to babies that's why our hips tend to be wider than men's. No, it's not all there to sell cars, sorry, you have been sadly misinformed.

The saddest thing of all is that so many women are getting breast implants. A breast implant turns what starts out as a natural thing into nothing but a sex toy. Once implanted with those plastic bags of goop a breast can no longer function for breast feeding a baby. Is that such a small price to pay for having the biggest hooters. Is that all there is? Is that all you want to be?

Real women have breasts, not tits. Real women have a vagina, not a love tunnel. Real women are women, not sex toys or a great marketing campaign. They might not be size 2 with a D cup bra but I can tell you one thing, real women live for themselves, they don't wait around for some man to approve.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Thursday June 24, 2004  

A BDSM flasher is a story in a hundred words or less, with a BDSM theme or topic. Of course there are standard flashers too, I don't mean streakers. Just stories about general topics. Flasher, in this case, means it has a very tight word limit. Not all that different from writing haiku which has a limit of syllables, rather than words.

Can you do it? Think of it as a writing exercise. If you think this is too easy try cutting the word limit in half, you sadist. It does have to tell a story with a beginning, a middle and an ending. Just writing a short scene won't cut it.

Here's mine. As done for the BDSM Scribes http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMScribes/ email list.

"Take off your clothes, little man." She circled him, grinning wickedly.

His skin tingled, anticipating her first touch. Squirming, breathing in short gasps, heart pounding, craving her domination, he hovered at the edge of jerking himself off.

"Do you really know what it means to be mine, slut?"

"Yes!" He said, feeling almost mad with heat and need.

"It means I can play any games I want. Or, I can send you home, right now."

"No!"

"Yes, little man. Go home. Obey."

So he left, without his clothes.

She sent an email. Tomorrow his real training would begin.

Now it's your turn. I know some of you are writers. See if you can top me. evil grin

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday June 22, 2004

Cruising around, looking at useless stuff today and I came across the words "vocal restraints" in a personal fetish profile. Awesome! One of those things that makes me step back and sigh with pleasure, just imagining the possibilities of vocal restraints.

Of course I had to search for more of it, find out if the reality holds up to my concept of it. I found some really weird stuff. Beyond anything I'd imagined. Check out the link for China Doll. Pretty... interesting.

I prefer my version. Vocal restraints not being a gag but the use of the voice to control. But, that takes a commanding presence among other things. Maybe the gag version of the vocal restraint is more to the liking of the fast food sort of BDSM. It's easier, for sure.

But, why go for the easy way out?

Why not give your sub a command and expect it to be obeyed? It's what he says he wants, right?

Or does he... does he long for the time you will slip up and he can regain his freedom. Silly man.

The whole attraction of D/s to me is the control, the mind games. I like being in charge, knowing he is liking it too. Of course, he can't make it seem too easy, let me think he is liking it too much. Then I'd have to make it just a bit harder (literally) and a bit more challenging for both of us. Soft and nice has it's place, it can be part of Domming. Just think of soft and nice right before the axe falls. From tender to extreme is pretty effective.

That doesn't mean non-physical restraints need to give way to hard core bondage restraints. It just means I need to crack down and make sure he remembers which of us has the remote control and which is the innocent bystander. Speaking of remote controls... oh never mind, I'll save that for another column.

Soon I will find the little man I've wanted to torment for so long. It will be a lot of fun for both of us, but mostly for me. I have so many ideas along the lines of objectification, domestic discipline, humiliation and vocal restraints now too.