I don't think it's terrible or very adult to be interested in being the woman in charge of the man when it comes to the fun side of a relationship. To say it politely versus talking about more shocking things like BDSM and Dommes and men who want to be submissive.

It's not all about sex. There are things and situations assumed as soon as someone talks about BDSM and Dominance and submission. But, for me it's about being in charge and doing things my own way. If you don't want him drooling over you then you get to make the change. Instead he can wash the dishes and then kneel at your feet until just having him kneeling there starts to be more interesting than annoying.

I don't see everything connected to the D/s fetish being adult and taboo. It's fun. Aren't there things you'd like to do which 'nice girls' just don't do? Wouldn't you like to have a man be the one who feels helpless and unsatisfied for a change. You don't need leather clothes, extraordinary high heels or whips and chains. You can skip the accessories completely and just work with your voice telling him what to do. Force isn't necessary. Both of you want to do this, to have this experience and that is part of the charge and thrill of it.

Keep it all in the bedroom, private and just between the two of you. Take it out a bit, for a little more fun. Torment him just a little more. But, keep it fun for both of you. He needs to know you are in charge and that means you say when you've had enough, just are plain not interested or want him in another room- preferably making himself useful doing some of the household everyday work.

So are you shocked? My little secret is out. I like being the woman in charge of the man, at least in the bedroom.

Last night I gave the personals on Craigslist another try. This morning I had the following in my email inbox.

hi there just wanted to say i am thinknig you are prob. a pretty cool woman...just a bit of advice.... do u really think any guy would end up being a person who either read all that or even cares....its more like the 50 reasons why yo will never get married....sorry hun just thought u would appreciate it ... i can spell and who knows maybe you would like being up north in front of a fire after a great dinner and some wine ..then again maybe thats reason 34 why u wanna be alone who knows... ciao james

Pretty vicious little backhanded compliment post. It's strange that someone would take the time to post something like that to a complete stranger. It could be a very upsetting post. (In my case it's a bit stupid cause I said in my ad that I was divorced, therefor, "never" getting married doesn't apply to me).

I had also written that I was discouraged with dating. Maybe that made me a bigger, easier target for a guy like this, someone who just wants to hurt people. These kind of people look for the easy targets.

Anyway, if that is the caliber of man out there I'm much happier and better off staying single.

PS- This is my original post to Craigslist. I don't think I was asking all that much, far from 50 things.

Coffee Date in the Beaches

Brunette, blue eyed, 5'4", plus sized woman. To keep it short and simple and upfront. I do not want to meet men who are married or a lot younger than I am. I would like to find a guy to meet for coffee, have a conversation with and make plans for a second get together if we have fun. Please be someone who can have a conversation, have something to talk about, have things you are interested in.

I'm not hard to please. I'd like a guy taller than I am. I work as a writer so really sloppy spelling, punctuation and grammar bug me. General things like good grooming are expected. Although I'm not very dressy myself I love a man in a suit, there's just something about that crisp, clean cut look. Suits are not required but I won't run screaming if you show up in one. Be warned I am not a card carrying member of the lipstick of the month club, I just like being me, naked face and all.

I like urban exploration (looking around abandoned buildings and farm houses, etc.), writing, reading (science fiction, horror and mysteries if they are interesting and not gruesome, and non-fiction). I'm teaching myself web design and cartooning, slowly. I have been known to make my own ASCII art. Someone interested in Paganism would be nice but not essential. (I don't worship the devil or talk to ghosts, it's a nature religion). I enjoy sewing, crochet and quilting, not very often but I do like them. I like art, culture and history too.

This is probably too long now. I've been feeling discouraged about meeting someone but I am an optimistic type of person. I smile often and easily. It would be great to meet a man who has things in common with me but I'm not looking for a male clone of myself. I really enjoy conversation and hearing about new ideas and opinions.

I do have a photo but I'm not adding it here. Too many people look at this as a catalogue and forget the people posting here are real.

I took my post down from the personals. I don't need to set myself up for people who want to be nasty. Let them find a dog to kick, an old lady to push into traffic or whatever it is people like that do when they are away from the easy pickings on Craigslist.

I don't know what great advice I have on the business of erotic writing since I haven't had a great deal of success. I write a column for an adult website, freebie. I also write a newsletter about Sex Blogs for that same site, freebie too. I've been writing there since 2002 but it hasn't brought me fame or fortune.

I did have some success. I sold one short story for $100. That is my only erotic fiction sale. I also won a writing contest for one of my stories, Laundry Day from the Different Loving website. That was awhile ago, the site isn't there now but Gloria Brame is still selling her book. I don't have a book to sell.

So, if I had advice for people writing adult content it would be to stick with it in a strong way. Be persistent. Be consistent too. Look for other formats where you can get your name out but don't sit still and think that will be enough. Your name won't get known unless you make it known. Write for well known sites. If they turn you down send them another story and another. Be the writer you want to be, don't wait for it to come to you.

I'm going to work harder on it. I don't think I want to commit myself fully to being an erotica writer and leave it at that. But, I could be doing more with it as a sideline. I have a some experience, some fan mail and some contacts. It's up to me what I make of that. Same for anyone else who wants to get into the business of writing adult content.

Good luck. Get back to the Erotic Fiction Blog Carnival and see what someone else has to say.

How far would you go for $100 an hour? Would you sell yourself for an hour? Would you commit a crime? Would you... ?

Would you let a man fondle and play with your breasts in exchange for money? Assuming you are female and have breasts.

What do you think about a guy who would pay for that, $100 an hour.

What do you think about a woman who would consent to that.

I have no answers, just the possibility of $100 an hour.

I think my brother would be really upset, should he ever find out. I think my Mother wouldn't be crazy about it, but she might understand.

Am I a total sleazebag? I've been a nice girl all my life. I never slept around before, during or after my marriage. What does it matter? I'm 41 now, no shy, blushing virgin.

Sometimes men, with their need for a fuck (not sex and certainly not making love) make me sick. I hate them in ways. Reading the Craiglist posts for the Toronto list, all the personals from men are geared to sex. Even the few that mention more have to add sex or the emphasis on the way she looks rather than the person she is. In reality do they really want more than a blow up doll, I think not.

So, when I need money and I really don't expect I will find another man to have around in my life, why not get $100 an hour? If I can stand to be touched, if I can reserve everything in my mind and just be a blow up doll, why not do it?

The only problem I can see is just being too grossed out to follow through with it. I am about as virginal as 41 years old woman is likely to be. Maybe I'm a bit prudish just from a lack of experience, having only had sex with the man I was married to. One boyfriend after the divorce but no sex. My life is too crazy to be real.

A little blog to help you put all those naughty thoughts into words.

Myself, I am burnt out from the adult side of writing. I wrote a column for two years, weekly, on Adult Backwash. I thought it would be a good way to meet men. It didn't really work out that way.

From that experience however, I have learned that I don't want to meet men who are into Internet (or any other really) porn. Sure, look now and then. But guys who are overly absorbed by the stuff seem to have left reality behind. I think having it so easily and readily available ruins them. They can no longer really function as a man. Instead they expect women to all be porn stars. Of course, we are not. Have no real interest in body surgery or starvation and we certainly have more going on in our lives than to just be available for sex at the drop of his pants.

Anyway, like it or not, that's my take on the whole writing for the adult market thing. Would I do it again? Maybe, if I was sure it was a women only site. I could write erotica for women. It makes me feel kind of cheap and icky to think of men reading it though. I don't think they really get it.