Years ago I wrote a column for the adult side of a site, BackWash. Its still around in archives online but stopped publishing long ago. It was mostly fun to write on the adult side. I wrote about myself and my experiences involved with men and BDSM.

My conclusion was, the main problem for women involved with BDSM is being over run by what men want. They say one thing, but don't really listen or really consider what she wants. For them, overall, it is a fetish. Whether they are dominant or submissive. That was my experience over a few years.

Anyway, I wandered away from the BDSM dating and ideals, later I stopped writing adult stories or columns, or ideas. Now and then I find something I would still like to write about. But, its off putting to write about adult topics along with everything else. The two don't mix so well.

But, today I found the site Chyrpe, an adult dating application based on the idea of female led relationships, also known as FemDom, Domme, and other words and phrases. I wonder how many of the women joining are professionals, likely almost all of them. That seems to be the only way it really works. There will be the very few who are not in a professional/ paid relationship.

They have a contact form for 'Ambassadors', a paying thing. I was interested because I have bills to pay, who doesn't. But, the form wants social media links with traffic/follower stats. I haven't had that for years. If that's how they choose Ambassadors, I'm not going to get anywhere with it.

Also, the whole thing about starting that up again. Yes, it could be fun, a lot of fun some days. But, it was also disappointing. Mostly because I was still honestly hoping to find someone (real) at that time. I never did. They were all fake, or fetish based, all about how they could serve me before even knowing (or asking) what I wanted. (I was sent dick pics before they even asked my name, just ASL and sometimes my measurements and weight) They were self serving and expecting me to perform a role. Wear the tight, shiny, skimpy clothes and a ton of make up and high heels. Well, that still isn't me.

I am still debating applying for the Ambassador thing. If I do, I can at least see what they are thinking the Ambassadors do. That would be interesting. So, I guess I will.

On a side note, I found my old link from the asstr.org site - shedragon

Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 - 2004)

We were given the topic "Inspirational Women" but all I could think of were the women in my life, those I admire and those I love. We all inspire someone, somewhere. Why don't we give ourselves more credit?

Why do we get inspired by other women? Is it really due to their achievements or is there more to it? Do we see ourselves in their struggle and do we envy their success as we compare ourselves to them? I do, but then I think there is really no reason I can't be making more successes in my own life, doing the things that matter to me. What holds some of us back? Why do we choose to go shopping, see something on TV or just never start all these great ideas and plans we have? Is it learned helplessness or do we just have so little faith in ourselves? Really, there isn't any reason we can't all be inspirational women. Maybe we already are, to someone.

Those inspirational women you read or think about mostly wouldn't think of themselves that way. If you could go back in time as ask Amelia Earhart, Nellie McClung, Helen Keller, Boadicca, and Nellie Bly what made them inspirational I bet they would wonder too. Women tend to question our own achievements and see them as less than they really are. We compare ourselves to other women and see how much more we could be doing and then everything we have done seems smaller and less important. We cheat ourselves. Men don't do that. They think every least thing they do is great and should be made note of. We call them cocky. Why aren't we more like that? You don’t need a cock to believe in yourself and your abilities. Trust yourself, when no one is there for you, you are.

I admire women who are part of my everyday life yet I don't think any of them would feel they belong on a list of inspirational women to be admired. I find my Grandmother and her sisters inspiring: Violet Scherle, Alice McRoberts, and the others, all deceased now. I find women I have contacted and worked with on the web inspiring: Deanna, Jade Walker, Bev Walton-Porter, Debbie Ohi for instance. Think of the early women doctors, the old midwives and herbalists who fought battles to do with family, career and a woman's place in our world. I admire my Mother for being a Mom with four kids and a less than pleasant husband. As I grow older I understand her life and things she must have felt.

I admire women writers like: Shirley Jackson, LM Montgomery, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Victoria Holt and Anne Stuart for their imagination and craft with words. I admire women pioneers like Susanna Moody and her sister Catherine Parr Traille. I admire women like Helen Keller and Kat at Sex Kitten who are fighting with health problems and winning. I admire my own sister, Sarah, for starting up her own business and keeping it going even though it's very scary to have big debts, small children and an insecure income. I find Angela Comelli, a friend from high school inspiring cause she was beautiful (she literally turned heads as she walked down the street), very intelligent, witty and a lovely, kind person and she thought I was all those things too.

I think the women I find most inspiring are those who achieve their dreams while being single, working parents. Women who struggle to keep going after huge setbacks like a divorce, a death or whatever else comes along in life. I think we should all take some time to admire each other, for we have all faced trouble we thought we couldn't survive and yet here we are, still working on keeping things together and creating our dreams too.

I was watching Global TV news this morning. They reported that men (under 35) think gender equality has gone too far and men should always have the last word in the home. I'd make a joke, or think of something sarcastic, but honestly I just feel the problem is overwhelming. Maybe far back in time women were respected as people, that has been gone a terribly long time.