We saw a wild turkey and her chicks over the weekend. On a drive through Crab Orchard Park, on our way out, I spotted something moving on the road ahead. I was pretty sure it was a turkey but Todd first thought it could be a skunk. I drove as slow as I could, hoping we would get a good look before they took off into the bushes. We did. Not as good as I would have liked of course. It was Todd who first noticed that she had chicks. What a shame we weren't ready with a camera to get pictures.

I'm still not sure when I will be moving. I was so sure it would be this week. My Mom told me she would come down with the truck on Monday (today) if no one else had. But now she seems to think Graham will come down sometime this week, maybe. It's hard to live like this. I don't think they have clue how it feels to be packed up and waiting and being put off again each week. I want to go home, to see Zack. I miss that little boy and I know he is looking forward to seeing me too. We always do nice things together. I do my best to make sure he isn't left out, I know how that can feel.

I got my period yesterday so that's my red and white for Canada Day I guess. Todd is going to honk after work tonight and I'm going to get some ice cream at the Farm Fresh store down the street. A treat for Canada Day and Aunt Flo. (Todd started calling my period "a visit from Aunt Flo" when we were first together. I guess its a little nicer than "on the rag" which is from my brother).

I finally got the book review done for HerCorner. Why do I procrastinate so much on doing those? Sure, its hard to find something new to say each time and hard to do it for 300 to 500 words but I did get reviewers copies for quite a few books and now I'm way behind in doing them all. Just one more thing I have to organize and settle when I move.

I know my Mom is expecting me to stay there with them for awhile but I'm beginning to think that could be a mistake. I don't know what else to do though. I won't have a car and I've been spending my divorce settlement money on things I should wait to buy later. Urrrgh! Can I never just get past this same point in my life? I always seem to end up right back here no matter what I do. I'm always moving after a failed something or other. When will I ever have a place to call home.

I bought a book yesterday. It's a bit of all all in one from Peach Pit Publishing - JavaScript for the World Wide Web by Tom Negrino and Dori Smith. It includes some basic CSS and DHTML as well. I was looking at another book for those maybe this will be enough. I did want to learn javascript at some point too. It's part of learning Lotus Notes/ Domino so I guess it could all come together if I take that course or study on my own and get certified.

Well, I should be getting other things done. My Mom was going to email me to let me know the latest.

BackWash Pays

BackWash is officially a site that pays it's writers/ columnists. Not a lot for each columnist but a pretty big pay out for David Ring, the site owner. Congratulations to David and all of us.

This is my latest BackWash column. I think it turned out well.

The Shortness of Being

"Don't sell yourself short."

That is what a couple of the other managers at HerPlanet told me last night when we had our meeting over the Net. We were talking about how we all have some knowledge and together we pool that and make each of our sites and ourselves better. I agreed with that but then I commented something about how I don't have anything out of the ordinary to contribute. That is when they chimed in with "don't sell yourself short".

I was thinking about it tonight. I always assume anything I know is common knowledge. But, it's true that I know a bit about a lot of things and I don't know a lot about anything, any one thing. At least that's how I feel maybe I'm wrong and I'm just selling myself short again.

Could it be that simple? I've felt for a long time that I'm looking for a missing piece of the puzzle that is me and when I find it I will become some sort of wonder woman. A woman who can do it all, have it all and be it all. Oh no, I don't have overly high expectations at all...

Anyway, I always feel like I am struggling to catch up, that I am a fraud, hoping no one will realize all the errors of my ways, the holes in my plans, the missing link that is me. If I'm just selling myself short... then all I need to do is be contrary at how I look at myself, twist it and turn it around and look at myself in a whole new way. I love that, finding a new viewpoint, a different slant on an idea, a turn of logic and the unexpected. When someone says I'm "odd, but in a nice way" that makes my day.

Back to the short comings thing. If all I need to do is realize I'm selling myself short then how do I convince myself it's true and move on to the next step from there. Someone else told me I have a great mind. Another person said I'm wonderfully warped. If I pile all those together would that give me the height I'm lacking in the way I look at myself? I don't think so. Though they help, I still need to change my outlook from the inside out, not the other way around.

So, back to the drawing board. But, I feel I have grown a bit in my own estimation. Like Alice I have to find the 'drink me' potion to fit through the little door on my way to Wonderland.

I just updated my Kids BackWash column. I had a new idea, based on a series of books I read as a kid: Choose your Own Adventure. They were challenging. Partly to resist the temptation to read ahead and find out where each choice would lead you. Partly because you could never really tell where each choice would lead you, into treasure or peril. I see those books now and then, in the used bin at a second hand store like Goodwill or a little retailer. I don't know if anyone still publishes them. I remember they became popular enough to have some copycats back then.

I've wanted a scanner for a long time. Mostly for clip art to use on my personal websites. There is only so much I can do with ASCII art and HerPlanet isn't even all that keen on me using it at all. So far that is my only disappointment with the HerPlanet network.

Anyway, today Todd wanted to go to WalMart so I wandered around looking at this and that: magazines, sewing stuff, purses, greeting cards and the computer section. I saw the HP Photo Scanner 1000, a small scanner geared to people who want to exchange pictures (4x6) over the net. I think its perfect for what I want. It was $78.64 at WalMart, I see it online for $80 to $100.00. Online would also charge shipping and handling so WalMart would be the better choice. But, I will wait to get it when I am in Ontario rather than find out its only waranteed in the US. That is what happened with the IBM computer I bought myself just before I moved to the US and married Todd. Getting it fixed was a time consuming, frustrating process. I ended up taking it back to Ontario to be fixed. I think it was a dead motherboard. They never did tell me.

CNet has a review of the HP scanner. They give it 7 out of 10.

We have a mouse. At least one, I think it's safe to assume it's not alone. It came out last night just as I was thinking to go to bed. As usually happens with mice, toads and other creepy jumpy creatures, I saw it out of the corner of my eye and then turned just in time to see it scamper under some of the boxes all over the apartment. So my packing is benefitting the rodent population. Todd called it Disneyland for Mice.

I talked to my Mom yesterday, she says she will bring the truck down, leaving Monday, if Graham hasn't already come down by then. Graham, my brother, is involved in a real estate deal he needs to finish before he can leave. But he does want to come down. Mom says he is looking forward to some time away from Liz, his current girlfriend. Sad to hear that, we all were hoping this would be his big break away from psycho Cheryl, the one who likes to give us death threats and come over to the house and attack people when she isn't stealing Mom's antiques. Cheryl should be locked up in an insane asylum, she was for awhile but Graham sponsored her and they let her out again. We don't know why he keeps going back for more. They fight and beat each other and she just hangs on like a blood sucking leech.

I have a lot of paper to sort through and hopefully trash more than I keep. I am always making notes for myself with URL, quotes, ideas, etc. Here are some quotes which I am typing into my blog before I throw out the paper they are scribbled on.

"If you have built castles in the air your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." Henry David Thoreau

"It is never too late to become what you might have been." George Eliot

"The history of all times, and of today especially, teaches that... women will be forgotten if they forget to think about themselves." Louis Otto-Peters

"What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window." Rudolph Erich Rascoe

"A ratio of failures is built into the process of writing. The waste basket has evolved for a reason." Margaret Atwood

"There are days when the result is so bad that no fewer than five revisions are required. In contrast, when I'm greatly inspired, only four revisions are needed." John Kenneth Galbraith

"I get a warm feeling when I'm doing well, but that pleasure is pretty much negated by the pain of getting started each day. Let's face it, writing is hell." William Stryon

Taken from a placemat from our favourite Chinese buffet in town.

Chinese Zodiac

According to traditional Chinese legend, ages ago Buddha summoned all of the animals and honored those who came by naming a year for them; each animal in turn gave its characteristics to people born in this year.

Note: I'm not typing all of the animal signs. My sign is the dragon, the only mythical animal among them and I think the most powerful, mystical and wise. But, of course, I'm biased. ;)

Dragon: 1904, 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012 Passionate and soft-hearted, but somewhat stubborn, very healthy and energetic. You are well-suited to the rat, serpent, and monkey, but ill-suited to the dog.

I've always thought I would do well with a rat sign. My almost ex-husband is a serpent sign. My Mother is a monkey sign and my sister, the one I clash with the most, is a dog. My little sister is a rat sign and my only brother is a horse sign. Oddly, my Dad is both a monkey sign and a Sagittarius (also my sign in western astrology) and we never get along, he has always been emotionally abusive.

It's interesting how the fortune cookie crumbles.