Not a real first day since it was just an orientation. We toured the store, signed papers, got a uniform (golf shirt) and found out what we are doing. I am a floor service person. Sounds great so far. From what I know I walk around and see if anyone needs help. If they are looking for something I take them there, offer to show them little extras to go with their planned purchase, etc. Basically it's my job to be friendly and outgoing. How hard can that be? I guess we'll see.

Anyway, I hemmed up the black pants I bought for work. So I'm pretty much ready to start tomorrow at 9:00am. If that turns out to be my regular shift I'd be happy. I still don't know that part for sure.

Of course, my period started today too. It does seem to have great timing. I've heard it's due to stress that you get your period at the worst times. But, I don't believe that theory. I've been under a lot of stress and it stopped completely for several months. I was sure I had early menopause. I began to feel extremely hopeless. That's a horrible thing to feel. Now, I really understand suicide, what goes through someone's mind and what drives them to take that last step. It's not feeling sad, feeling you can't cope, etc. It really is a lack of hope.

Enough of that. Just now when things seem to be getting better I don't want to rehash the past few months.

The little car is great. That crack down the front window IS growing. I look at it every day, how can I miss it after all. But, other than that I am really starting to love my car. I talk to it now and then. No name yet, I haven't found one that has that feeling of total rightness.

It's been a long time since I updated. Things have changed, as things do. I bought a car, a Ford Tempo (93) for about $2,000. On Friday I heard back from Zellers, I got a job! Tomorrow afternoon I'm going in for an orientation session and then I will find out just what I'm doing and when.

For HerCorner I am lagging behind from October. In part due to the server move, in part due to just not getting two articles done on time.

My sister, Grace, has moved out to Vancouver. Men were here over the weekend to move her stuff out there. She had it all really well packed and ready so it just took them half an hour at the most to load it up and get on their way.

Not much other news. I'm tired tonight. I seem to be tired every night these past couple of months. I guess I've run low on my night owl-ness.

My sister helped me, gave my resume a look over and some suggestions. She is the big business typhoon in the family. She really does know her stuff. Anyway, she was not impressed with my website. True, the front page does look amateurish, especially the layout. But what she especially thought I should get rid of is my Witchery stuff. Likely she is right, only a few people really understand all of that. Most have no clue and many would think I was crazy, gothic or a danger to society - maybe all three. So, I am thinking of making it invisible, just like my adult pages. I bet you didn't even know about those. I've only made one link to them and its not anywhere on my own domain.

So Witchcraft might have to do the same. Its not like I've been posting new content there anyway. I did want to, planned to, all that stuff but its never happened. The traffic it used to get has died off too, so its not likely anyone but me would miss it.

Magazines, Magazines, Magazines!

In the short time since I moved, is it a week already? I have bought over a dozen magazines. One book too: The Canadian Writer's Market. There is a story about that book now. The latest edition came out just 2 days after I bought the old one at Chapters. I noticed it was in need of an update at the time but I bought it thinking it would be of some use, since websites were included for most of the listings. But, when I went back to Chapters a couple of days later I noticed the new edition sitting on the shelves. It hadn't even been on their website yet. So, on Sunday I took the old edition back to Chapters and asked to exchange it. No problem, so now I have the latest edition.

Are you bored enough?

I had an idea this weekend too. Well, one of many. Anyway, I thought I would look at writing a bi-monthly/ monthly newsletter or blog or something column-like called "Tripping Around Ontario". Of course it will have to wait until I have that car. But, when my last name is Tripp and I enjoy travelling and I am a writer, isn't that just a combination too good to ignore? In the end, why not? So, if I can figure out how to pull it together and what to do with it once the string has been pulled... I think its a good idea.

the Spitfire Grill

When people ask what my favourite movies, music and books are I never have a ready answer. I just don't seem to keep names and titles in mind. But, The Spitfire Grill is one of my very favourite movies. It was on TV tonight. Even though its now almost 3:AM I'm glad I watched it. Likely I won't stay up and online to put out my BackWash newsletters now but thats how it goes. Maybe I will get them done sometime tomorrow, more likely tomorrow evening again. For now, I'm checking email and getting to bed.

I have the interview this afternoon for the job with the local newspaper. I don't even know what the job is but it sounds good. I've gotten advice from friends and acquaintences about the interview so its just up to actually doing it now.

I wish I felt better about how I look. My skin is clearing up, better than the zit farm its been. But its much harder to get rid of the extra pounds.

Do you ever think of your life as a team? I can remember my brother playing hockey against the garage door. He was always Gus, I guess it was a manly sounding name to him as a kid. Little did he know the full version is Augustus.

Anyway, he would always narrate the game for himself. Sometimes I would be tossed in as the adoring fan/ groupie. I love my brother, I'll spend the rest of my life cheering for him, back them it did feel a little silly though. I was the only fan.

Is it a man thing, the whole team narration type thing? Its kind of endearing. I've never done it out loud but there have been times when I've narrated privately, in my own head. Sadly, my narrations are never as uplifting as those hockey games between my brother and the garage door.

All this rambling today is taking up space. I'm scared. I don't think I can get back into living my life and all that trying again. I've tried a lot. To get into it would be reavealing too much of my life, some of the wounds scraped into your soul are just too sharp to share randomly.

So, I think this week my team is losing. Maybe I will sleep on it tonight and things will be all fresh and rosy in the morning. I promised one of the other BackWash columnists that I would find someone to talk to when I got back here. But, inside I really thought I could do it all on my own. I don't like talking to someone face to face and telling them all the really deep feelings, the fears and the fact that I don't even trust myself any more. I think I must be part drama queen, but how much is real emotion? Am I allowed real emotion?

Anyway, this week my team is losing it. But, somehow hope always springs eternal, I'm the eternal optimist. Each time I get really down some part of my brain clicks on and starts coming up with new ideas, new solutions and once again I'm not ready to give up.

Look at this!!!! On a day when I thought it would be dangerous to get much lower... this was waiting for me in my email. I only wish I had someone to tell. So, I'm posting it here for the world and all the randomness on the Internet.

I'm so glad I got the idea to ask if they wanted a column or articles about the Internet and sent in my resume to back it up. What a great thing it would be to have a job doing exactly what I love!!!

Hello, Laura. Ian passed your letter and resume on to me. I'd like an opportunity to meet with you in person to talk about your skills and experience. I'm leading the internet strategy team at our news group and perhaps there may be some mutually beneficial opportunities we could explore. Can you let me know what your schedule is like next week? I could meet you at our office, if that's most convenient to you. (In my job, I travel all over the region, so it's not an inconvenience for me.) Let me know if you can meet Thursday, Aug. 8 in the afternoon in. Thanks for sending your resume and letter. Regards,