Today’s babble will probably squick some of the boys/ men, so you have been warned.

It’s a period thing. When I was younger I didn’t notice anything about myself changing at this time of the month. I can’t say the same about the age I am now. Maybe it’s part of upcoming menopause or just the winding down of the female brain in general. I have nothing scientific, just mad science.

But, I have noticed a definite difference in myself in the day(s) before and during that time of the month. In total it’s not quite a week of time. I get a lot more sensitive and I have a big tendency to fall into a deep pit of depression. I’m writing this cause today I really can’t write anything else, I’ve been trying. I feel like my life, all the negative things, are piling in over my head and I’m being left in some hole to dig my way out when I wake up and feel better one day.

Yesterday I woke up and knowing I’m going through a bit of a rough spot I decided I would compile my limited funds and go out for breakfast. That usually cheers me up. At the very least I like the smell of bacon and eggs and when I’m out I don’t have to clean any of it up or get zapped by the bacon as it fries. All good things.

I made the mistake of feeling optimistic enough to look at the dating part of Craigslist. Why do we sabotage ourselves with this swill? I read a post that seemed really sincere, someone else feeling alone in the big city and wishing to meet someone. I was wrong, well sort of. I wrote a note. He replied. I sent another one and that was it. I made the fatal flaw of being honest. You see, men only want porn models, not attractive real women. It doesn’t matter who you are on the inside, only what you are on the outside.

I am sorry I let that one dickhead spoil what I was trying to make of my day. But, it did. I didn’t go out and I spent the day feeling awful and the most I did was wash dishes and make a blog post from a photo I had taken on Sunday. Pathetic. Normally, I would have gotten angry and not been down on myself, life and everything. But, it’s that time of the month and I seem to get sucked into this portal of despression so easily.

I’m glad it is about the last day today. I am pushing myself out the door once I give this a quick spellcheck and post it up.

I know I’m not the only one going through this kind of madness at this time of the month. I never really understood it till now. I’ve always thought it was just part of someone’s outlook in general. But, I’m not a moody person, I am usually optimistic, open and friendly. This is just not me and yet I am having a hard time overcoming it. I’m glad it’s only once a month. Easier to think of it as just 12 times a year, that sounds like a lot less.

Anyway, my sympathy to the other women out there who go through this (or worse) at that time of the month. Don’t do something you will regret later. Try not to email anyone in any heat of the moment. Do your best to pull through cause you know it will only be a few days.

See you later.

It's funny how quickly 20 minutes can go by.

The streetcar comes by here every 20 minutes, according to the schedule from what I've experienced (listening to it going by from inside the apartment) it sticks to that schedule very well. It's funny that I hear another one go by and then think... 20 minutes... I'll just check email again and.... next thing I know I'm hearing another streetcar going by, 20 minutes later.

Funny how you can get caught up in what you are doing and it takes far less than 20 minutes to lose track of time. I just passed another 20 minute mark. I could spend a few minutes puttering around and then find another 20 minutes will have passed me by. I think, this time I better stop puttering. Soon it will be so far afternoon that I will reconsider getting out at all today.

Puttering around takes up so much time. Yet the important stuff might take only a few minutes, only 20 of them even.

I was going to get an interesting picture of two houses with Xmas lights on tonight but my camera didn't feel like working. I was surprised to find it quite hot to the touch too. It was the only thing warm at all in my purse. Then, since it wasn't working I took out the batteries and found out they were the culprit. I don't know why they got so heated. I put them in my pocket to cool off. Though they were nice as hand warmers on the cold night. I still don't know what made them get so hot though. It was odd.

I feel like some kind of spook today, something creepy and possibly scary kept in a secret room, away from the living.

That's what happens when you live in a hole in the ground with a family of elephants, gorillas, etc over your head all day and all night and all weekend. I'm trying hard to like it here. This weekend they are putting in the new floor that was supposed to be done last weekend when I went away so I could escape the noise. They saved it for me, how kind.

They also want, no expect, me to give them a key to my apartment. The power box thing is down here and if they need to shut off a breaker or whatever they would need to get in here. How often does something like that happen? Hmmm? Not bloody often. I said no. Of course, that wasn't the right answer. You're not actually allowed to say no, have you ever noticed that? I'm sticking to my keys though. I'm not giving away something I waited for this long, a place of my own. Even though I don't feel like this is a place of my own. You can't feel that way when the elephants decide to rampage above you day and night. I don't know what they were stomping around for at 2:30 last night. I wanted to go up there and scream at them. I didn't.

I want to scream at them about so many things. They have finished blocking up my only window now. I have one in the bedroom but I don't count that as I only see it at night. In the day I have one window, small and now totally blocked by garbage so almost no light comes in. If I was a bitch I'd probably go out and buy duct tape and carboard sheets and use a ladder to seal off all their windows. I'd like to do that. It makes me feel happy just thinking about their surprise.

I think I am only staying here because they offered to buy the house and as long as I'm here they can't. Graham won't sell if he thinks I'm trying to do here. Though, it hangs over my head all the time that it's up to him. I don't really have any options. He changes his mind frequently. Saying one thing on Tuesday and something else on Wednesday.

If you have never lived in a basement before you don't know what it's like. I always thought the worst thing would be dampness. It's not. I can hear their conversation. I can hear their every step, right over my head. It's dark and I have spiders and wood louse bugs, not a huge lot of them just enough to remind me I'm in the lower realms. I have lights on all the time cause it would be almost fully dark without them. Unless I look at a clock I have no idea what time of day it is, could be morning, afternoon or evening for all I know, they all look the same.

Of course, I'm using this space to rant. Don't think I'm looking for sympathy or violins. I need to tell someone and believe someone is listening, what else are personal blogs for?

What would your most vindictive, bitchy torture be for the people upstairs? Give me your most evil, devious and wicked ideas?

The Poverty Jet Set is another name for 21st Century bohemians. A rag tag group of artists, travelers, writers and filmmakers riding the bad-ass pirate ship of life with a parrot on our shoulders and a little "yaaarrr, matey" in our cheeks.

The Poverty Jet Set is a term coined by Douglas Coupland, one of my favorite writers of all time. In his ahead-of-its-time 1991 book, Generation X, he defined the term:

A group of people given to chronic traveling at the expense of long-term job stability or a permanent residence. Tend to have doomed and extremely expensive phone call relationships with people named Serge or Ilyana. Tend to discuss frequent-flyer programs at parties.

Vagablogging- Vagabond blogging.
World Hum- Travel dispatches from a shrinking planet.
BootsnAll- Resources for the independent traveller.
Lonely Planet
Traveler's Tales
Women traveling around the world.

Looks like the Thumbs Out site is not happening until 2008. Getting a really early start on the website though.