I guess this is the last time I will post anything here. The last time I will come here thinking about what I will write and what links I can add. It’s been so many years, since 2001. I went through a marriage, immigration and divorce and then came back once I thought I had things on track again. Now here we are, caught in the middle forever, no end to life, just to this site.

My biggest annoyance with death and dying is just not being here any more. To see how it all ends. How does civilization finish up? How does the planet itself handle things when our sun dies in so many generations ahead we can’t even count that far. It bugs me that I won’t be here to see it, to know how the story ends.

Seeing BackWash end is like that. The site is getting an end but everyone else carries on along without it. BackWash doesn’t get to tag along with us any more.

I’ll miss it. Even though I haven’t been a reliable poster for awhile. I was here for some pretty interesting times in my life and the lives of the others who came this way.

Good Bye, Best Wishes and Merry Seasons Greetings to us All.

Good cheer will lighten your burdens

I have the good cheer is that why I keep getting burdens? Funny how a fortune cookie just gives you these little tidbits and leaves you hanging for the real answers.

Things are slow in the man-stalking project. I found his postal code but no apartment number. Kind of useless to send a card that way. I was writing out my Xmas cards (just addressing the envelopes so far) and I do still have three blank ones. One could be sent to Mr. Pirate Smile. If I knew his full address. I have two days off work starting now pretty much. I was thinking about taking the bus out to Zellers and seeing if Mr. Pirate Smiley's place is on that part of the street. I could just wander into the lobby and take a look for the mailbox of a certain pirate. I don't think you can get arrested for that. Funny to be concerned when here I am Madame Trespasser when it comes to the abandoned houses.

I know I'm not the only romantic geek woman. But, it does seem silly to create a whole scene in my mind where the pirate smile and the trespasser are making muffins at home on a cold winter's day. It was nice. Fun and he was quite lovely. Not a great baker... but he smiled a lot and that made up for his lack of skill with muffins. Silly, but it was nice. Something to do when you're pretty much stuck at work for 8 hours. Better than thinking about how aggravating it is to be without a car, still.

Also, in spite of what they tell you, I don't see how taking the bus/ taxi route is saving money compare to having a car. I'm spending $20 a day for bus/taxi to get back and forth to work. A tank of gas for the car might be more than that but it would last a lot longer than one day. I could even get to the grocery store, take a road trip and still have enough gas for the week of going back and forth to work. I wish my brother would get the lead out of his tank and let me get on with the car situation. I think I'm going to end up not having a driver's license at all. I have to go back to the teen/ beginner class and do the written test if I can't get the road test done by my birthday. I can't see myself passing that written test. I lucked out taking it in the US the first time. It was pretty simple and even then I didn't pass with flying colours.

Life is frustrating right now and then you start your period. Oh goodie. At least I'm not totally depressed like I was last night. Should have known it was going to start when I was that down. So close to just getting up and leaving at work, last night. Just thinking about the car and license stuff... Payday is Friday. If I can I wonder if I could just buy something myself. Not sure how to do it at all. I'd have less than a thousand but it would be cash. I could do payments with someone other than Graham. After all, last thing he really seemed to say about it was that he would start looking again when the weather cleared up. And... it's WINTER! When does that mean he is going to leave it till, spring thaw??? I will go insane long before then. I'm sure I will quit the job. I have spending so much on getting there and then not being able to do anything. Like being caught in a prison just cause I don't want to spend so much on a taxi or freeze waiting for buses that always take half an hour to come no matter when you get to the bus stop.

I think I should just go for the coffee making now. Thinking about all this will keep me up anyway. Sleep is so over rated. I bet pirate smile is sleeping now...

Three Facts:

A) There is a guy at work I really like. First it was just his sexy, wicked smile but then I began to notice how nice and calm he is, like pouring water over water. Just something kind of nice. Can't find the right words for it. He also has a wicked smile, like a pirate, did I mention that? (I really don't care what a guy's butt looks like- if I wanted to look at a butt I'd get one of those dogs that walk around with their tail all curled up, that would be plenty of butt for anyone into that sort of thing - I'm not a dog person, luckily). Also, when I began some research into the guy at work he got good reviews. He is a nice guy with a good sense of humour. Though no one else seems to think he looks like anything special. (Their loss, likely all dog people).

B) I am not someone any guy has ever gone crazy for. Plus I'm plus sized, quite a bit... quite a lot.... plus sized. This does not give me a good feeling about the whole attacking first plan of luring in said non-dog, pirate smile, guy.

C) Based on past experience I don't have a flying clue what to do with a guy should I ever actually get one I really do want. Get him and have him actually be in the same town at the same time for an extended period of time. I am limited in man handling experience. I married the only guy I slept with and was a virgin until late in life. I was not a late bloomer, I'm not sure what happened. Or didn't happen. Still isn't happening. I just don't seem to get noticed. I could tattoo something suggestive on my forehead and only other women would notice me and ask me what the heck I was thinking when I did such a lame brain thing. Men would only notice the other women talking to me, not me.

So I have these facts set out for you.

Now, the solution I am working on, in theory.... stalking him.

Yes it's kind of dramatic and risky. Some would say foolish and stupid. But, someone has to try these things from the woman's point of view, why not me? Well, why not?

So, I took the first steps in the potential stalking. I found his last name and came home to look up his address and phone number. I still don't have the full address cause it turns out it is an apartment building and the phone book did not list the apartment number. No doubt I can figure that out. It just has to be in a non-threatening way. You know, there is a thin line between stalking and being a threat or just plain scaring off the guy. If you start calling him prey, for instance, that's a bad sign. A pretty bad sign in fact. Avoid that one.

That is all the progress I have made in the potential stalking to date. I have thoughts about sending an anonymous greeting card to his address, once I find it. Note, you must be careful to keep it anonymous as that is a big part of the whole plan. If he doesn't know who I am he won't be able to gently let down the fat grrl at work. If he doesn't know who I am he can just keep thinking he is really hot stuff... if only he knew which of those babes at work sent him the greeting card. You see how well that works. Anyway, who can resist the hint of mystery, a little puzzle to solve and whet his curiosity while stroking his ego.

Thus ends my first day as an official mad man-stalker. Not a lot of progress made but nothing to concern the police with either. So, not a bad first day, all in all.

You know you've been tagged when... You're sitting in front of a blank screen trying to remember something about yourself, other than your name. OMyWord tagged me. Go read her eight things first and leave a comment. If you live close enough invite her over to do your ironing. She likes my little doll photos. I like her way of looking at life.

Thing One: According to the latest psycho babble I read at my sister's house, I am an underachiever. We put a lot of energy into being mediocre. I can see how this does describe me. It's not a complimentary thing so I choose just not to discuss it.

Thing Two: I need to phone all the usual services: phone, hydro, etc and change them over for the new place. It is complicated though. We want to have them on at the old house and the new house at the same time and yet not together.

Thing Three: Even I can get tired of drinking the same coffee after several months. As ok as the vanilla instant coffee was, I am really wishing for a change. I just can't find where I packed my coffee filter thing. I did buy new coffee. I just can't use it without the plastic filter thing.

Thing Four: I can count. I just can't do it very quickly. I will never love math but I have learned to cope. I just had to grow more fingers and toes.

Thing Five: I can read. I have the evidence all stacked up in masses of heavy boxes which I have now moved more times than I care to count.

Thing Six: I know of at least five other places I want to get for more rural exploration photos. One of them is right here in town, pretty much.

Thing Seven: I am phone phobic. That's the real reason I have not yet begun to make all those calls to the essential services to change things over for the new house.

Thing Eight: I think it's very egotistical sounding to begin each sentence in this thing Thing with I.

Now, onto the list of tagees:

Should you choose to accept this random challenge...

LatteGirl, cause I missed meeting her. Maybe she just took that fingers and toes counting thing too seriously.

Leigh at Thoughtprints. I love that new photo of the train tracks at the beach. I'd like to step out there and feel the sand between my toes.

I will also pick on Bev, just because I haven't talked to her for ages and wonder if she still reads her blog.

Next is Lady Banana. I don't have a good reason, I just am. Let's just say it's because she's yellow and has to be imported.

Thirteen Things to save if civilization ended and we all had to exist in the rubble.

1. A ton of books, some of those classical literature things I've always meant and had good intentions about for so long along with the science fiction, hopeless romances and cozy mysteries.

2. My hope chest. My Grandfather made it for me.

3. All my sheet sets and blankets and quilts. Even if I could find more they just wouldn't be the same. I have soft dark neon pink sheets which I've only used once so far. I have a deep, dark red quilt I found cheap at a thrift store. Also, the beautiful pink, green and white flowered quilt I bought myself when I had my first full time job.

4. Pens, pencil crayons, and plain white lined and unlined paper. I would like to keep drawing, no matter how ungreat my drawing is.

5. A generator or three and my computer. I just can't see myself writing articles, journals, stories and my blog (yes, that too) in longhand now that I have had a love affair with the word processor so many years. It would be such a hardship to go back to writing by hand.

6. Tons of seeds, cuttings, bulbs and so on so I could keep my favourite flowers, trees, fruits and vegetables growing.

7. Cocoa powder (tons of it) cause I must have chocolate and I think all the other forms of it would not have enough shelf life.

8. I would liberally take all kinds of coffee beans from the Second Cup and Williams coffee shops. I want all those rich, smooth flavours of vanilla and caramel. I'd need a lot!

9. The digital camera. I'd even get a few spare from stores which would be abandoned once civilization collapsed. Might as well have a camera if I have the computer.

10. All my favourite computer games and their most updated versions.

11. Crochet hooks, sewing needles, yarn, fabric, thread, my sewing machine and all the other accessories.

12. Some people. Possibly random, and some family. Anyone who bugged me too much would be thrown off the island though.

13. A taser, old fashioned stocks and whatever else I might need to help remind all those people that I am the world dominatrix/ leader of the island now. Anyone who forgets will be given a not so subtle reminder.

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