It will be interesting to see if the goldfish in the pond survive over this winter. I don't know if this is a hard winter for Barrie or pretty standard. It's our first year living in Barrie. But the pond and fish were there from the past owner. I am hoping the fish will pull through and see sunlight again. Won't know for a few more months I think. I do think of them, down there in their icy lair.

It's occurred to me that I haven't had a really good blab in here for awhile. I don't have anything in particular in mind to blab about but, I seldom let that stop me.

I've got most of my old content back up again after the template change to three columns. Somethings I have just left off, they didn't seem to be going anywhere soon or had sunk into their laurels of past glory, sunk too deep to rise again. Things like BlogExplosion which was building up and yet has fallen and can't get up now. Things like MyBlogLog which is so clogged with splogs and fake friends that it didn't earn it's real estate on my sidebar. No doubt I will find new gadgets and interesting junk to fill in any gaps.

I've started to talk to a guy online and am getting to the point of meeting for coffee. He sounds like a person who has some depth, a thinking brain. Always a plus. I like having someone I can really talk to. There are always so many things in my mind but I have learned to keep quiet versus babble everything. Except here, where I pretty much talk to myself. I know people are reading it, I go out of my way to join things like Wordless Wednesday and Thursday Thirteen to get traffic and thus readers. I've concluded that I just like to feel someone is listening to me. Whatever trouble I get in, I'll pay for it later. If I can't work my way out of it I'll just add it to the pile of trouble already hanging around.

Having a pretty good day today actually. I have three out of four pairs of new pants hemmed. I ordered myself Swiss Chalet for lunch. This morning I made a cup of the new coffee I bought from Second Cup yesterday at the mall. I've had a pretty good 'weekend' off work. It was sunny out almost all day today but I didn't check to see how cold it was out there, I didn't have to. People seem to like my flower drawings for the Thursday Thirteen post, that is nice of them. I think my drawing actually is getting better too.

I think I need to do more real writing again. I miss it. Blog posts aren't, generally, real writing. Not for me anyway. I don't have a topic which I have researched and put some thought into. That is what writing should be, it should include some planning. True I have been keeping WordGrrls going with the daily writing prompts but that isn't the same as a short topical article. I did have an article started about rural exploration, so I could get that back in the works. If I could post a short article about something here, not each day, maybe once a week, that would be constructive and good discipline for getting back into some real writing versus blog babbling.

I found my sewing box today. Still can't find those web design books and that is making me crazy. But it is nice to have found the sewing box. I had forgotten I had so much stuff in there. One whole box full of assorted buttons, full to the brim. I am looking up some craft ideas for buttons. No doubt I could make something truly great with so many of them. I had thought I would use them for crazy quilting and maybe I will. The problem with quilting is having to iron the patches in order to have smooth, straight seams.

I finally wrote that letter to the guy I met through work. Maybe I never mentioned him here. He was one of the callers from Florida about cable TV, I'm tech support, remember? Anyway, he started out having a fit about the cable service. I was softly groaning about having to listen to another one of "those" callers. But somehow he toned down, said I was one of the nicest, most polite people he had talked to in trying to deal with the cable company. He was working up to asking me out but I told him I'm in Canada and then he asked if he could be my pen pal. That must have been two weeks ago now.

I wasn't sure about writing. I've got myself stuck in this way before. People in need tend to cling hard to someone nice and then you can't get them peeled off again so easily. I like having my freedom, I'd never deal well with someone clingy. Not that I'm a hard bitch, but I don't want to always have company or someone who needs me, versus someone who wants me. Also, I am giving out my home address to send a note. It is too bad he didn't have Internet and email, that would have been safer correspondence. Anyway, I found a really great card at the mall yesterday and have it ready to mail down there. Another nice grrl thing to do. I scanned the card, it really is a nice one. I talked to him awhile and the only things I really remember are that his wife and kids were killed, he works all the hours he can put in now because of that and he is in the newspaper business - I forget just what he does. I will mail it when I am waiting for the bus to go into work tomorrow.

I've seen two commercials on TV now for male enhancement, that means they must actually be buying such stuff. In a way it seems a pay back for all the body image problems they cause to women. Yet, how can men be so gullible? I guess the same as women have, those who get boob enhancements. Terry Lynn, who has too much focus on her boobs I sometimes think, is going to get a breast reduction. Her back has been sore, she even left work early one day.

I've found a site where I can upload my blog drawings. I still don't feel I can qualify them as cartoons or comics. Among people who actually can draw mine look pretty out of place, to me at least. I'm going to see if I can get them uploaded today. Also, I was invited to add my photos of abandoned houses to a site with abandoned places in Ontario. Quite nice to be asked. I have not got much done there either. So, plenty of projects to keep me busy for the rest of my last day off today. Isn't it a good thing I get another 2 days off next week?

What did you REALLY want for your birthday this year? Within reason of the standard working person's budget and abilities to wrap up with a bow and transport in the average vehicle.

I guess this is the last time I will post anything here. The last time I will come here thinking about what I will write and what links I can add. It’s been so many years, since 2001. I went through a marriage, immigration and divorce and then came back once I thought I had things on track again. Now here we are, caught in the middle forever, no end to life, just to this site.

My biggest annoyance with death and dying is just not being here any more. To see how it all ends. How does civilization finish up? How does the planet itself handle things when our sun dies in so many generations ahead we can’t even count that far. It bugs me that I won’t be here to see it, to know how the story ends.

Seeing BackWash end is like that. The site is getting an end but everyone else carries on along without it. BackWash doesn’t get to tag along with us any more.

I’ll miss it. Even though I haven’t been a reliable poster for awhile. I was here for some pretty interesting times in my life and the lives of the others who came this way.

Good Bye, Best Wishes and Merry Seasons Greetings to us All.

Good cheer will lighten your burdens

I have the good cheer is that why I keep getting burdens? Funny how a fortune cookie just gives you these little tidbits and leaves you hanging for the real answers.

Things are slow in the man-stalking project. I found his postal code but no apartment number. Kind of useless to send a card that way. I was writing out my Xmas cards (just addressing the envelopes so far) and I do still have three blank ones. One could be sent to Mr. Pirate Smile. If I knew his full address. I have two days off work starting now pretty much. I was thinking about taking the bus out to Zellers and seeing if Mr. Pirate Smiley's place is on that part of the street. I could just wander into the lobby and take a look for the mailbox of a certain pirate. I don't think you can get arrested for that. Funny to be concerned when here I am Madame Trespasser when it comes to the abandoned houses.

I know I'm not the only romantic geek woman. But, it does seem silly to create a whole scene in my mind where the pirate smile and the trespasser are making muffins at home on a cold winter's day. It was nice. Fun and he was quite lovely. Not a great baker... but he smiled a lot and that made up for his lack of skill with muffins. Silly, but it was nice. Something to do when you're pretty much stuck at work for 8 hours. Better than thinking about how aggravating it is to be without a car, still.

Also, in spite of what they tell you, I don't see how taking the bus/ taxi route is saving money compare to having a car. I'm spending $20 a day for bus/taxi to get back and forth to work. A tank of gas for the car might be more than that but it would last a lot longer than one day. I could even get to the grocery store, take a road trip and still have enough gas for the week of going back and forth to work. I wish my brother would get the lead out of his tank and let me get on with the car situation. I think I'm going to end up not having a driver's license at all. I have to go back to the teen/ beginner class and do the written test if I can't get the road test done by my birthday. I can't see myself passing that written test. I lucked out taking it in the US the first time. It was pretty simple and even then I didn't pass with flying colours.

Life is frustrating right now and then you start your period. Oh goodie. At least I'm not totally depressed like I was last night. Should have known it was going to start when I was that down. So close to just getting up and leaving at work, last night. Just thinking about the car and license stuff... Payday is Friday. If I can I wonder if I could just buy something myself. Not sure how to do it at all. I'd have less than a thousand but it would be cash. I could do payments with someone other than Graham. After all, last thing he really seemed to say about it was that he would start looking again when the weather cleared up. And... it's WINTER! When does that mean he is going to leave it till, spring thaw??? I will go insane long before then. I'm sure I will quit the job. I have spending so much on getting there and then not being able to do anything. Like being caught in a prison just cause I don't want to spend so much on a taxi or freeze waiting for buses that always take half an hour to come no matter when you get to the bus stop.

I think I should just go for the coffee making now. Thinking about all this will keep me up anyway. Sleep is so over rated. I bet pirate smile is sleeping now...