This is from my old Live Journal posts.

Hello again LiveJournal and LiveJournal people. I have just (yesterday afternoon) gotten home from giving up my home so my Mom and brother could have time self quarantined after coming back from the US. I was away a month, mostly because my niece and I like working, cooking and having some fun together. I stayed at my sister's house. Now I'm back, in Barrie, where my brother and Mother have ransacked their way through everything I own, every least bit of paper, literally everything. Boundaries and privacy do not exist here. When I was a girl I wished for a lobotomy to make my life easier. Now I'm a 55 year old woman and I know none of them will ever read this so I can say that I almost wish I were dead. Not quite enough to die. What little spark is still in my head that just will not entirely, fully give up? I don't know why I keep going when I have almost nothing, but I do. Well, LiveJournal, I don't know when I will be back, but most likely I will be back, eventually. If not... well, what did any of it really matter.

Two of my biggest problem with working at my home office are focus and clutter. Yes, they are connected and you could say they are the same problem really. But, I see them as individual issues which I try to deal with.

Clutter being actual stuff on the surface of my desk, taking over too much of the space. Focus being how easily distracted I am by things which don't really matter. So you can see the connection.

This little Zen sandbox caught my attention this morning. Not only does it give you an excuse to deal with the clutter on your desk (how else will you find space for it?), but it can bring some peace to your mind to dip a finger into the sand, move a stone, rake a bit of sand and then get back to what you really should be doing. Could this help you?

I'm looking at my desk right now. I can see how nice a mini Zen garden would fit on that right back corner - if I didn't have a stack of paper and a bottle of hand sanitizer there. I don't need to those things there. I have a handy file cabinet with room to spare. I just have not put those things back where they belong. If I made myself responsible for the care and maintenance of a tiny garden... I'd have at least some reason to keep clutter from crowding out the garden. Adding something pretty would help me keep the clutter monster from taking over. (In theory at least, I do know how tough the clutter monster can be).

Focus is really my bigger project. I am too easily distracted. I procrastinate when something starts to get complicated. Often I am working on a project but it unravels on me when more parts come into it and I have to look up facts, figure out how something else works, and so on. So much of what we do when we work from home requires us to be self sufficient and able to focus and stick with it, without a boss expecting or checking on our performance of the job at hand.

I don't think it is possible to stay entirely focused for an eight hour day. There are reasons for coffee breaks, lunch breaks and the addition of smaller and bigger tasks which help to break up your day. Adding a little garden to your work day is a nice way to break things up. Keeping you from straying too far into actual procrastination but letting your mind take a break, find a moment of peace and then gather your focus again before you go back into battle again.

Actually, I'd like to order the mini Zen kit just to have the fun of unpacking it and setting it up. I can think of assorted little miniature accessories, like tiny people. I could build a miniature village in my Zen garden... but that would be something for my spare time... in theory.

For the full Zen garden experience you should be outside in a real garden, with relaxing music. When the mini desktop garden isn't enough... go for at least the video Zen garden to help you unwind and settle back into where you need to be.

A warm day out there. I'm not a fan of hot weather. I don't have more I really want to write tonight. I don't know why I started this post. I just wanted to write something.

I wish there were less people in my life. But, that's misleading because most of the time I am alone and I only have my Mom living here with me and the miserable excuse for tenants living in the basement. Today was a day when those people filled my life to over flowing. Then there is my soon to be ex brother-in-law, the sex offender. The police are destroying all the evidence against him and they never had him come in to be interviewed (because he "lawyered up" making him untouchable). Too bad everyone isn't so untouchable, like the animals, children and women he molested. No help from police, reporters, or politicians.

Some days I want to live on another planet, far, far, far away... Where I can still breathe and all of that sort of essential stuff. I did buy a lottery ticket the other day. I haven't tried one of those for years. Makes me think of my Aunt Alice, my Grandmother's sister. I miss you, AA.

Back to planet scouting... and good night to all.

Over two weeks ago I sent an email to the police division in my area asking for advice about handling a man who crosses the line by touching and trying to kiss me in my home, against my wishes. There has been no reply. I was feeling pretty peeved about this as it does seem they could at least acknowledge me with a form mail. But nothing...

Tonight on the news is a woman going to court because her husband decided to take an axe and a hammer to her head and neck. She also made a report to her local police division, in Toronto, and was not given any help. Later she was attacked, very violently and managed to survive. The police gave her a formal apology which I doubt meant anything to them. She got some kind of money thrown at her too. Likely so she wouldn't kick up a fuss.

You know how women are always nagging, bitching and complaining about something. The poor guy was just trying to assault me, what an annoying nag I am to bitch about that. No wonder the police ignored me. Their motto is to serve and protect. Not to listen to women always nagging about something trivial. Sheesh! Any woman in Toronto should know that she has to handle this herself. Get a plan, find something you can use to kill the bastard and find a really good place to dump the body. Make sure you leave no evidence behind. That would be really annoying cause the police would have to investigate, actually do something. Only in that case you (that bitch) would be arrested and tossed in jail. All your fault, it's always your fault you nagging bitch.

Anyway, I'm really wondering why I didn't get any kind of reply. Very disappointed in the Toronto police and in fact, I won't bother them if something like that happens again. I will try to be aggressive myself and deal with it. Maybe I will be hurt in the process but at least I won't have to bother the police. They have other things to do, manly things, helping men deal with life and such. We women are just not that important.

A living wake can bring peace of mind to the elderly or the seriously sick/ ill. A living wake brings everyone together to hear last words and share loving words and thoughts of their own.

A traditional wake was meant to celebrate the life of the newly deceased. A living wake should be the same. Bring everyone together to remember and to celebrate while the guest of honour is still able to partake, enjoy and share memories too.

A living wake is a get together with family, friends, co-workers and anyone else you choose to invite to your pre-death wake. You have a living wake while you are still alive. This gives everyone a chance to bring the flowers, food and good bye wishes before you are actually deceased and can no longer appreciate them or give thanks for them.

I've always thought it was sad that the funeral was only for the living family and friends. The deceased doesn't get to see the flowers or hear what people say about them. A living wake lets everyone share the memories, thoughts and happier times while the family member or friend is still alive.

It is still not an easy event to attend. It will still be sad. But, it gives everyone to share their appreciation and love while it can still be heard.

A living wake can also be good for someone who is afraid of dying. Even if there is no reason for them to have this fear. The living wake gets everyone together so they can feel they have not left anything undone, no words unsaid. They can take time to plan it, decide who will attend and plan out their own speech to give to all the family and friends in attendance.

I don't think a living wake should become an annual event, that would take away it's specialness and it's purpose, but a living wake can bring peace of mind to the elderly or the sick.

Planning a Living Wake

Don't be afraid to have a good time.

If the guest of honour has always loved dancing and music make sure that is a big part of the event and get people up dancing. Maybe the guest of honour likes humour, in that case consider turning the event into a roast where each family member and friend gets a few minutes to make a speech roasting the guest of honour. Maybe there is a particular sport or handmade craft which everyone can participate in and play or create together.

You will know the best theme for your own group. Keep in mind, a wake was never meant to be depressing, people celebrated the life of the deceased.

• Send invitations early. Give people time to plan what they will wear, what they will say, etc.
• Make sure the invitations explain what the party is for, what will be expected and what the plan is for the event.
• RSVP is essential for this party. Make sure this is highlighted on the invitations. Anyone who is unable to attend should arrange to send a letter or have another guest bring a video to be played at the living wake in their place.
• Create a collage of photographs and make a video with clips from the past.
• If someone has created a family tree ask to enlarge it to poster-size and display it. Not only nice for family but friends will understand where the family fit in as they meet them.
• Moderate how much alcohol is being consumed. If people want to drink a lot let it be later in the event, once everyone has had time to be heard and to listen.
• Don't let it get too gloomy. Include reminders of happy memories, funny memories and memorabilia.
• Encourage everyone to bring the flowers, greeting cards and such they would have brought to a funeral. That's part of the reason for having a living wake.
• Get a great cake, or make one if you can. Use candles, celebrate all the past birthdays.
• Serve all the favourite foods of the guest of honour. Start with favourite breakfast, then favourite appetizer, favourite salad, etc, right up to favourite dessert.
• This probably isn't the best time to discuss a will or distribution of assets. But, it is a good time for the guest of honour to give their favourite things to family and friends while they are around to talk about what each favourite thing has meant to them and why they want that person to have it.
• Have a quiet room for anyone who needs to breakaway for a bit and have time to themselves. Not everyone wants to share their sadness.
• Have a guest book for everyone to sign. Give them space for comments. Encourage them to add anything they have written but didn't want to share publicly, with everyone.
• Get at least one group photo, with everyone gathered around. Have disposable cameras on hand in case someone didn't bring their own or doesn't have a camera.