Two of my biggest problem with working at my home office are focus and clutter. Yes, they are connected and you could say they are the same problem really. But, I see them as individual issues which I try to deal with.

Clutter being actual stuff on the surface of my desk, taking over too much of the space. Focus being how easily distracted I am by things which don't really matter. So you can see the connection.

This little Zen sandbox caught my attention this morning. Not only does it give you an excuse to deal with the clutter on your desk (how else will you find space for it?), but it can bring some peace to your mind to dip a finger into the sand, move a stone, rake a bit of sand and then get back to what you really should be doing. Could this help you?

I'm looking at my desk right now. I can see how nice a mini Zen garden would fit on that right back corner - if I didn't have a stack of paper and a bottle of hand sanitizer there. I don't need to those things there. I have a handy file cabinet with room to spare. I just have not put those things back where they belong. If I made myself responsible for the care and maintenance of a tiny garden... I'd have at least some reason to keep clutter from crowding out the garden. Adding something pretty would help me keep the clutter monster from taking over. (In theory at least, I do know how tough the clutter monster can be).

Focus is really my bigger project. I am too easily distracted. I procrastinate when something starts to get complicated. Often I am working on a project but it unravels on me when more parts come into it and I have to look up facts, figure out how something else works, and so on. So much of what we do when we work from home requires us to be self sufficient and able to focus and stick with it, without a boss expecting or checking on our performance of the job at hand.

I don't think it is possible to stay entirely focused for an eight hour day. There are reasons for coffee breaks, lunch breaks and the addition of smaller and bigger tasks which help to break up your day. Adding a little garden to your work day is a nice way to break things up. Keeping you from straying too far into actual procrastination but letting your mind take a break, find a moment of peace and then gather your focus again before you go back into battle again.

Actually, I'd like to order the mini Zen kit just to have the fun of unpacking it and setting it up. I can think of assorted little miniature accessories, like tiny people. I could build a miniature village in my Zen garden... but that would be something for my spare time... in theory.

For the full Zen garden experience you should be outside in a real garden, with relaxing music. When the mini desktop garden isn't enough... go for at least the video Zen garden to help you unwind and settle back into where you need to be.

A living wake can bring peace of mind to the elderly or the seriously sick/ ill. A living wake brings everyone together to hear last words and share loving words and thoughts of their own.

A traditional wake was meant to celebrate the life of the newly deceased. A living wake should be the same. Bring everyone together to remember and to celebrate while the guest of honour is still able to partake, enjoy and share memories too.

A living wake is a get together with family, friends, co-workers and anyone else you choose to invite to your pre-death wake. You have a living wake while you are still alive. This gives everyone a chance to bring the flowers, food and good bye wishes before you are actually deceased and can no longer appreciate them or give thanks for them.

I've always thought it was sad that the funeral was only for the living family and friends. The deceased doesn't get to see the flowers or hear what people say about them. A living wake lets everyone share the memories, thoughts and happier times while the family member or friend is still alive.

It is still not an easy event to attend. It will still be sad. But, it gives everyone to share their appreciation and love while it can still be heard.

A living wake can also be good for someone who is afraid of dying. Even if there is no reason for them to have this fear. The living wake gets everyone together so they can feel they have not left anything undone, no words unsaid. They can take time to plan it, decide who will attend and plan out their own speech to give to all the family and friends in attendance.

I don't think a living wake should become an annual event, that would take away it's specialness and it's purpose, but a living wake can bring peace of mind to the elderly or the sick.

Planning a Living Wake

Don't be afraid to have a good time.

If the guest of honour has always loved dancing and music make sure that is a big part of the event and get people up dancing. Maybe the guest of honour likes humour, in that case consider turning the event into a roast where each family member and friend gets a few minutes to make a speech roasting the guest of honour. Maybe there is a particular sport or handmade craft which everyone can participate in and play or create together.

You will know the best theme for your own group. Keep in mind, a wake was never meant to be depressing, people celebrated the life of the deceased.

• Send invitations early. Give people time to plan what they will wear, what they will say, etc.
• Make sure the invitations explain what the party is for, what will be expected and what the plan is for the event.
• RSVP is essential for this party. Make sure this is highlighted on the invitations. Anyone who is unable to attend should arrange to send a letter or have another guest bring a video to be played at the living wake in their place.
• Create a collage of photographs and make a video with clips from the past.
• If someone has created a family tree ask to enlarge it to poster-size and display it. Not only nice for family but friends will understand where the family fit in as they meet them.
• Moderate how much alcohol is being consumed. If people want to drink a lot let it be later in the event, once everyone has had time to be heard and to listen.
• Don't let it get too gloomy. Include reminders of happy memories, funny memories and memorabilia.
• Encourage everyone to bring the flowers, greeting cards and such they would have brought to a funeral. That's part of the reason for having a living wake.
• Get a great cake, or make one if you can. Use candles, celebrate all the past birthdays.
• Serve all the favourite foods of the guest of honour. Start with favourite breakfast, then favourite appetizer, favourite salad, etc, right up to favourite dessert.
• This probably isn't the best time to discuss a will or distribution of assets. But, it is a good time for the guest of honour to give their favourite things to family and friends while they are around to talk about what each favourite thing has meant to them and why they want that person to have it.
• Have a quiet room for anyone who needs to breakaway for a bit and have time to themselves. Not everyone wants to share their sadness.
• Have a guest book for everyone to sign. Give them space for comments. Encourage them to add anything they have written but didn't want to share publicly, with everyone.
• Get at least one group photo, with everyone gathered around. Have disposable cameras on hand in case someone didn't bring their own or doesn't have a camera.

I looked online for a new office chair for myself. I have a vintage chair from the 40's or earlier but it's too firm on the seat and not as comfortable as I would like for a lot of sitting. I spend a lot of my day in this chair working on writing, promoting and maintaining sites and assorted and various other things people do when they work on the computer all day. Lately I've been getting swollen ankles and feet. So, the hunt was on to find a new chair.

What I concluded is that I have to test the chair myself and shopping online isn't really going to work for me. I did find one chair I really liked and would have bought, but I don't have the payment options to make it work. (You can see the chair in the photo with this article).

For most large sized people the average office chair is not enough. I've had wheels break off and the chair padding is feeble or too thin and I don't feel comfortable. So, a large person (big and tall) needs a better made chair, sturdier and with consideration for ergonomics.

What to Look for in a Sturdy Office Chair

Some of us weigh more than the 200 pounds which most office chairs are designed for. Then there are those who work a lot in their office chair and would like a sturdier chair just to have a long lasting, dependable chair. Either way, a sturdy office chair will cost more than the average office chair. I found the price range was at least $200 - $400 (not including taxes).

It was not easy to find a chair which I liked and seemed sturdy enough. The information online at many stores did not include how much weight the chair was designed for. So, any time the information is not there, assume the chair is not made for a big sized person.

Armrests. Is there enough space between the armrests for you to sit comfortably between them? If not, are they removable? If you really want a chair with armrests you will have to watch this. If you don't care for them especially you can remove them if they are not comfortable for you.

Wheels. Do you trust plastic wheels to roll and not eventually crack? Almost every chair I looked at has plastic wheels This is a downfall of modern manufacturing. If you want to avoid plastic wheels, look for vintage office furniture. It isn't likely to be sold in the average office supplies store and they probably won't have a weight standard available. But, vintage chairs were usually made to last, sturdy and more metal based.

Materials. Plastic is not the plus sized person's best option for most things, office chairs included. Look for a chair which has a metal frame for sturdiness. Also, the seat covering should be something which will stand up to time. However, you can recover the chair at a later time if you need to. The frame is the important part.

Padding. Likely you will be spending time sitting in your office chair, that's the point of having a good chair. The padding needs to be something strong and durable which can give your body some support. It is not comfortable sitting in a chair which causes your legs, ankles and feet to become swollen. Look into ergonomic chairs. Even if you do get up and walk around, drink water, all the things they say you should do - the fact is you will still be spending a lot of time working in that chair and you need better than average padding.

Adjustments. An office chair you are spending money on (as you will be for a larger, sturdier built chair) should be adjustable. This is important too for the height of the chair for your legs. You should be able to have your feet on the floor in a way which will be comfortable and not strain your back or knees. If you are able to test the chair see how adjustable it is. Can you remove the arms or move them farther apart? Is it easy to move the seat higher and lower and does it stay that way once it is moved? On some chairs you could even remove the back if you find it is not comfortable.

Back. Do you like a thickly padded back, or a tall back or a shorter chair back. Some of them will even have a headrest. Some backs will tilt. I never used this myself, it always made me feel the chair was tipping too far back. If you can test the chair before you buy it (if you aren't online shopping) see how the chair back works.

This is going to be a chair you keep for the long term. Check if you can easily replace parts like the wheels and the fabric or leather covering. Is this a chair which can easily be refurbished or restored?

The traditional gifts for your Valentine, on Valentine's Day are chocolates, flowers and jewelry. Then you might take her (or him) out for dinner, dancing, and if all works out well, a romantic night at home. That's the ideal we see in magazines and movies. But, those people have script writers, set designers and wardrobe/ costume artists. Those of us ordinary humans just have out own wits, instincts and whatever romantic notions we have scraped together.

Chocolates and flowers aren't so complicated. The stores have them all lined up in tidy rows for you to pick them up, pay and take them home. There isn't even much guess work any more. Does she like chocolate, likely? From there you have a choice between the standard milk chocolate or the more trendy and intimate, dark chocolate. In the case of flowers, you don't need to worry about those at all if she has allergies. If not, the standard roses are nice. Don't buy them from the grocery store or the gas station - those tend to fade too quickly. Carnations are a safer bet and much less expensive than roses on Valentine's Day.

Now that leaves you at jewelry. You don't have to spend your entire pay cheque to buy jewelry. You do need to know some basics about your Valentine: her style, her ring size and if she actually wears jewelry, for instance.

Picking Out Valentine Jewelry

First of all, does she wear jewelry? Not everyone wears jewelry, man or woman. If you haven't noticed, start looking.

What kind of jewelry does she (or he) wear? Rings, brooches, necklaces, pins, earrings, bracelet, etc.? Then there is a whole category of jewelry for the body piercing types like nose rings. I'm not an expert on that and I don't know all the right names for most of the jewelry worn in belly buttons, on toes and other, more intimate places of the human body.

Next thing you need to know, if she does wear jewelry - is there an allergy or sensitivity to something like silver or gold, or any kind of man made substance? You will probably have to just come out and ask about that. If you get it wrong he or she will never be able to wear something that causes their skin to break out.

You also need to spend time and observe her style of jewelry, fashion in general. Does she like pink, frilly, girlie stuff? Does she prefer a professional image with something not so flashy, pink or trendy? Maybe she loves anything that shines and sparkles in a rainbow of colours. This is important to know when you begin looking at Valentine jewelry. There is no point in spending money on something that doesn't appeal to her sense of style and taste. Also, it will impress her that you were actually paying attention and know her so well.

When you look at the actual jewelry and you are thinking about the financial side of things, also consider how well it is made. There should be a reliable fastening, there should be no rough edges which will catch on clothing and watch for loose stones, or anything that doesn't seem right. Don't waste your money on something that will fall apart. Also, this is the time to know a bit about cheap man made metals which turn green and leave her finger, wrist, whatever green as well. In general, avoid cheap junk and you will be fine. However, back yourself up by making sure the seller offers a decent money back guarantee.

Some jewelry, rings in particular, you will need to know a size for. A necklace has different lengths. Chances are she has pierced ears for earrings, but this is something else you need to be observant about before you buy them. If you want to keep this a surprise you can either stick with something safe like a brooch or get a gift receipt at the store so she can come back and exchange it for the right size. It is better if you can avoid the gift receipt, you want her to think you picked out just the right romantic Valentine jewelry because you know what she likes after all.

Gift Wrapping and a Word of Warning

Gift wrapping counts.

One word of warning first, unless you actually are giving her an engagement ring on Valentine's Day - do not wrap up your gift in a small square shaped box like a ring. Don't raise her expectations, not even because you think it will be funny. This is not a joke that will turn out well for you. Even if she laughs a bit at the time - she isn't laughing on the inside and you have gotten her started thinking about weddings, marriage, and all of that. Was that something you wanted to start? If the answer is no, avoid bringing up the question.

You can easily find a great way to wrap up a Valentine jewelry gift. The store you bought it from should have a service to do this. That is the easiest way.

Use a thick, fabric ribbon and tie the jewelry to an empty box as if it were the garnish. Put a note inside the box with some romantic thoughts and (if you like) an invitation to dinner or a coupon for a hug, kiss, etc. (Make sure the jewelry is securely on the box but don't use glue or anything which you can't easily remove or anything which could damage the jewelry).

You can also buy a gift bag at another store. You can wrap it up in a scarf (one of those silky types). Buy dish drying towels at the Dollar Store and wrap it up in one of those, as a little joke. Tie it up with ribbon to make it pretty and let her think you didn't spend much - until she opens it. Plus, who can't use another dish towel around? You can find endless gift wrapping ideas online.

Seeing Yourself as a Modern Spinster

The best women in romance stories are those with careers, friends, a place of their own and other things I don't always have yet myself. I love to read about these women. They are already happy in their lives before Mr. Anything comes along. I want to be that woman. No doubt I read those books just to see myself in that life. Well, the writing and humour are good too.

It's kind of sad that when you look up "single women" or "single woman" online you get dating advice. In between being told how important it is to find a man there are a few financial tips. So, not only are we sad and lonely but we are poor too. Or, if not poor we don't know how to handle our money.

In fact, being single means taking on my of these things, the elements of dealing with day to day life. We learn how to do our own financial things, our own home repairs, our own cooking, cleaning and landscaping too if we need to. Anything we can't do ourselves we can get help or hire help, just like anyone else.

Living alone gives you freedom to do things your own way. I like knowing everything will be exactly where I left it. Of course, that can be a downside too. It's nice to have someone else tidy up the breakfast dishes some days when you just get sick of doing everything least thing yourself. Those are the days you look for shortcuts, like paper plates and eating over the sink instead of sitting at the table. Shortcuts are ok. But, you don't want to become used to living that way. As if you're just a nomad in your own home.

Things You Miss Out on if you Never Live Alone at Least Once in Your Life

1. Taking to yourself. It sounds silly but I like talking to myself. I like hearing the sound of my own voice when there is no one to give me odd looks, start arguing with me or interrupting me when I speak. Plus, I can give myself the greatest compliments and not care how honest or sincere they are.
2. Finding out how neat or messy you really are. There's no one to impress but yourself. No one to tidy up or make the mess, but you. When you live alone you might start off with great habits for decluttering and cleaning but end up discovering your inner clutter bug far too easily.
3. You never have to wait for the bathroom or the shower. You don't even have to share the bed or find yourself shivering because someone else rolled up into a cocoon with all the blankets. The best thing is taking your time in the shower, having a hot shower whenever you want and you can walk out of there still wet without having to struggle your damp body into any kind of clothing - not even underwear or a bathrobe.
4. Decorate your place however you want to and change it around as often as you can manage to spend the money or make yourself move the furniture. Add throw pillows in neon green and pink if you like. Paint the kitchen space blood red or try your hand at some DIY renovations and stick up some fancy wallpaper.
5. Finish the last of the milk in your cereal just because it's there. You don't need to ask if anyone else wants you to make them something for dinner and listen to what they do and do not want. If you have food dislikes or allergies it's really nice not having to explain them to someone else or pick those icky mushroom bits off your pizza. You can even try being your own chef, experiment with cooking and baking new ingredients. It's also really nice to try dieting and not have someone telling on you.

Patiently Quiet and Still

One of the best things about being a single woman is being alone. I absorb the quiet, the sense of being in my own place by myself. It is nice. I'm alone but far from lonely. I think it is one of the things you really only appreciate when you don't have it for awhile.

Like when I babysit for my sister a couple of days. When I get home again the first thing I feel is that quiet, the atmosphere of peace and patience. My place is just patiently waiting for me to decide what I want to do next. I can take an hour, just doing nothing at all if I want to.

Tips for Living Alone

• Your home, no matter how small or messy, is your refuge, your shelter and the place where you keep your stuff. Make your home welcoming at the end of the day. Keep things organized so you won't get lost in your own clutter. Live by the mantra 'a place for everything and everything in it's place'.
• Pick everything in your home from the big things like furniture to the small things like tea towels for yourself. Use the patterns you want, the style you like and whatever works for you in a practical way.
• Add extra touches to brighten up your home and your favourite places like a reading area, your bedroom, kitchen and bathroom.
• Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and keep basics like aspirin in stock. Try vitamins and see which work for you.
• Keep active. Not just exercising but have interests and hobbies outside of work. Have a regular group of people you spend time with, especially if you don't have many friends. Keep acquaintances, if not friends.
• Don't become a home body. Get out there and do something each day, even if it's just picking up groceries, mailing a letter, or taking a walk around the block for no reason but to be outside.
• If you want a pet but can't have one where you live get a pretend pet. All you really need somedays is to just see something else with a face, other than your own. I have a stuffed dog, Coffee, from my niece. (I don't even like dogs).

Spinsters Are Not Alone

• Spinster Jane

• Solitary Spinster