...and I'm crying. Congratulations.

Kareem at LJ.

About us: "The Top 10 Myths about Girl Gamers ? by Mercurial (Original link is gone.)

Girl gamers. Evidently, we?re difficult to figure out. Lucky for you, I?ve compiled this nifty little handbook to give you some hints.

1.) We want to control the entire game... and you. You think we want control of such a rag-tag group of guys? We rather go bobbing for apples in a deep fryer. If we wanted to control you, we would show up at the game with a chair and a whip. Sit and ponder that, friend.

2.) We’re there because you’re there. A girl gamer, a REAL girl gamer, is there because she wants to be. Let me ask you this: Do you think you’re charming enough to make a girl unwillingly spend an entire evening with a bunch of people who get that excited about shooting other people? I thought not.

3.) We make an effort to date every gamer in the group. You got us there. We actually keep lists of the gamers we haven’t dated yet, and we check them off as we go. I got extra Girl Gamer Points (GGPs) because I dated all the eligible guys in our group and then managed to cause a major schism, causing half the people to quit talking to the other half. I traded my GGPs in for some rulebooks and a new game and now I’m on the lookout for new victims… Get real.

4.) We should be in charge of dinner and/or cleanup. The next time you think about saddling the girl gamer with dinner preparations, consider her character first. If she’s playing a bitter extraterrestrial/terrorist type character who hates everyone without provocation and dabbles in torture on the side because it’s fun, it’s probably not a good idea to ask. If her character is primarily engaged in kissing up and crocheting, go ahead. Ask.

5.) We’re only interested in playing sex kittens or innocent ingénue-types. Hello, Pot. I’m Kettle. You’re black. Sure, girl gamers have schticks. So do you, Mr. Lone Wolf… and you, Mr. Combat Monster. And, while we’re at it, let me ask you a question… How many of your characters wear black trench coats? Whose brilliant idea was it to give all the bad-asses black trenches?

6.) We are utterly incapable of understanding the rules. Once, I heard a gamer comment, “Hey, man, she’s a girl. Girls don’t get the rules; it’s like a math thing or something.” Buddy, I’ll out-math you any time… and then I’ll tear you into tiny little pieces and eat you for breakfast. We are quite capable of understanding the rules, if you’d explain them in something that approximates English, or loosen your death-hold on the rulebook and just let us read them for ourselves.

7.) We flutter our eyelashes at GMs to get our way. I did that once. The GM very politely gave me what I wanted and, then, I realized I didn’t want it after all (because, as we all know, a good GM gives you what you want and then makes you regret having ever asked). The end result was that I had to extract my foot from my mouth. If you let girl gamers walk all over you as a player or a GM, more fool you. You need to get out and date more, friend

8,) We hate other girl gamers. Well, sure! Why not? After all, other girl gamers might hog all the GGPs and then we’d be out some valuable prizes. We have to protect our territory, after all. Get real. If a true girl gamer can’t stand another girl in your group, it’s either a personal thing or maybe that girl is one of those fake, scheming, break-up-the-group types.

9.) We don’t appreciate a good combat. Correction: We do appreciate a good combat. What we don’t do is a) get sexually aroused over it or b) spend hours upon hours memorizing the caliber and number of shots for a revolver that was last used with regularity in the 1950s. We’ve got better things to do than memorize gun statistics. Like planning out how to spend out GGPs, for instance.

10.) Because we are girls, you cannot hope to understand anything about us, including our role-playing. Well… maybe there’s a bit of truth in that one, after all.

THE GOOD NAPKINS!!!!!

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for " special occasions" (her second mistake). Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. (her third mistake) When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"

Pass this on to Girlfriends who need a good laugh

Lillian sent me this one today.

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......

The apples at the top think that something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Passed along from Jewel, editor of the Sex-Kitten.net

LOL

I miss you too. I can't keep up with your journal but I do pop in and make sure you are doing ok. Hope you are taking all your vitamins and all that other good stuff they say we should be doing.

Did you make any New Year's Resolutions? Me either. But, I am making some changes. Just not hanging a promise on any of them. I don't need the added pressure.

I am so glad that Christmas is over. I miss it. I don't want to work as a cashier during Christmas ever again. There's a resolution.

Take care, I found my password and logged in just for you. So you won't have to wonder what I'm up to. Right now I'm not up to anything. Not getting into any kind of trouble at all. No, not me... whistling

Merry New Year!