Humane and inhumane.

"Must I prove my humanity by destroying my peace?" Quote from Laura Elliott, in her book Awakened.

Like ripping off a sticky bandage knowing it will hurt - someone other than yourself. Making that choice, or taking that action, for/ on the part of someone else. Not so different from real science and scientists making choices, decisions and taking actions which could seem questionable, less humane. But, having that iron backbone to do what needs to be done even though it isn't easy or popular.

In fiction mad scientists get stereotyped as being misdirected, inhumane, and even cruel. Bumblers on the other hand, not cruel but doddering, fumbling and thoughtless.

Is it fair? Or is it over critical to see them that way while also depending on their (so called) inhumanity to give us the research into disease which we benefit from?

Should they cry and stress about the harm and stress they cause while ripping off that sticky bandage? Or can they be given the benefit of being able to work without feeling inhumane?

I think there should be a middle ground. I think there needs to be a middle ground. To work in science without awareness, or some kind of respect, for the individual pain and suffering would remove a limit that should be there. It creates a frame of reference versus having no guide or limits at all. Science needs to be curious but it also needs to be measured in order to continue to be science.

Maybe that is the boundary between science and art.

What do you think?

I'm feeling sad today. Yesterday my Mom and I went out for a drive. She likes going out, driving around, looking at this and that. Usually we find old buildings, wildflowers, something I take photographs of. For her its a plant and a rock to bring back for the garden. Its a lot of time talking/ listening about our family, about houses and lives and children we see. Things I don't have, will never have now. So, it just makes me feel sad.

Mom wants me to write about everything on our adventures. I know she is feeling her age and wants our adventures and generally as much as can be, recorded. Mementos written about her life and her children and what she has done. I understand, I feel the same: older, less time, less potential, less healthy, a lot of less with things younger people will only begin to know about when they are old enough.

I try not to let myself feel regrets, or sad, or angry about myself, my life. But, its not easy. It doesn't change or fix anything so there is no point in feeling anything about it. So I put my time into other things, distractions but also real things that can take over the sadness and push it out of the way.

Last night I had a dream about Mom getting things together, with my help, she was going to sleep in the basement. She was leaning over her walker, as she does these days, and standing at the door to the basement, saying "Good Night" in that way she does now. I can't think of the right words to describe it, sad but not sad. Maybe a quiet happiness, something like that. The thing is, we have a finished basement but someone else is living there. Also, how would Mom possibly get down all those stairs? She couldn't. If she did - getting back up would be incredibly difficult for her and myself however I would figure out some way to get her back upstairs again. It was an odd thing to dream. But, dreams can be odd. Sometimes I have odd dreams I don't understand so much but later they come true and then they make more sense. So, this dream is bothering me. Of course Mom isn't going to live forever, none of us do. But, I'm not looking forward to her last day. For either of us. It would actually be the day after her last day, you don't know on the day of.

We don't drive as long or as far as we used to, even just a few years ago. Maybe the car accident is part of that. I think we both feel differently about the car itself now. (The accident was not our fault, we were sitting at a stop sign, waiting for traffic and deciding which way to turn).

I'm thirsty, thinking I will stop here and make coffee. Good Night, Good Evening, Good Morning, Good Day!

I've lost the original source for this. Originally posted in 2013.

1. Smile, not just a small smile. It makes you look lighter in every way.
2. Breathe. Holding your breath is not going to help.
3. Step away form the camera. You look bigger when you fill most of the picture.
4. Watch your posture, stand tall with shoulders at relaxed right angles.
5. Don't stand with you arms pressed to the sides of your body.
6. Turn to the side, the angle gives you some depth versus the wider head on look.
7. Stand with one foot in front of the other.
8. Put your tongue against the roof of your mouth.
9. Push your jaw a bit forward or back to match up your front teeth, top and bottom. 
10. Angle your chin up, slightly. 
11. Camouflage your trouble spots by standing in front of something or someone or hold something in your arms. Set your laptop, purse or other bag at your feet to hide ankles.
12. If possible have the camera angle come from above you, nothing drastic, just enough to be slightly overhead.
13. Romantic, soft or dim lighting will help blur lines of your face and figure flaws too.
14. Wearing black is a long recommended way to look thinner, but wearing colours will actually help brighten up your look and make you seem happier and thinner.
15. Avoid tight clothing but don't wear something over-sized either. Baggy clothes make you seem bulkier.

Once I was the answer to life, the universe and everything. But, life carried on, with different questions.

This is what I was thinking as I woke up this morning. It doesn't fit as a haiku. So its just 'as is'.