Online Dating: The Profile - Suite101.com

The update has happened! sigh If anyone (besides me) actually reads this let me know what you think of my guide to writing a dating profile. Did I miss something really basic? Or better yet, just remind me of my greatness. Every now and then it slips my mind.

Some would say my mind has been slipping for awhile. What do they know? They can't even get out of my head and into a life of their own. Wimps!

Originally posted to Adult BackWash.

It all started when someone said women were more sadistic and men were more strict. It got me thinking about women and BDSM and what we want, really. I know, you're looking back in the archives here and wondering if I'm repeating myself. But no, this is a new thought and I haven't even had my shower yet. (I do my best thinking in the shower or while driving but right now we have no hot water).

Anyway, I think it's true that women tend to be more sadistic or proactive. Men want us to come to them while women want to bring it to the men, in their face. This makes it an uneven match up when it comes to Dommes and male subs. The men are looking for what they want, that strict, rule making, stand back, kind of control. The same control they'd give if they were in charge. So they expect to serve a strict task master.

However, when I think about it, I really don't want a man serving me. What I really want is to torment and abuse/ seduce him. I can wash my own dishes, open my own jars and make my own dinner. What I really want is to make him weep with sexual need. I want to watch him squirm, hear him gasp, smell him in full lust, touch his body and make him shudder, desperately waiting for my permission to orgasm. If I choose to let him.

I don't want a man serving me, I'd rather torment him till he weeps for release, mercy, whatever I allow him. When I think about a D/s situation with a man I tend to think of me being the one doing wicked things to him. I don't see him scampering around fetching things, serving, instead he is held in place till I'm done with him.

So, men keep writing about how they will serve the right Domme. Yet, they are aiming in the wrong direction. Instead they should also tell us how much they want to be seduced, tormented, teased and abused. Tell us how they want us to use them and how much they will love it, knowing this is what we really want from them.

Of course they can also see to our comfort and pleasure by performing tasks such as making our coffee in the morning, reading aloud from our favourite books in the evenings and washing our hair for us. That's an added bonus and a chance for them to display their eagerness, their willingness and their attractiveness to us.

Maybe it's all service. But it's certainly not the domestic service they write about in the profiles I read. Do any of them have an idea of the kind of service we want, really? Not with a smile but with a grimace, a moan and heavy breathing. I like the odd shudder, wriggle, squirm and twitch too. Men live in dread, some day one of you will be in for quite a wicked journey. Poor bastard.

Visit my boudoir.... http://sex-kitten.net/laura.html

One thing that bothers me about people who are into Paganism, particularly Wicca, are the trendy money spenders. Those who forget it's an Earth religion, not a shopping religion. You do not need robes, goblets, altar tools, athames, jewelry, etc. Being a Witch isn't about how much stuff you can stack up on an altar it's about having an altar at all and appreciating and knowing what it's there for.

You can be a Witch without an altar. It's the meaning of the altar that matters, not it's existence. It's not about spells either. People who focus on spells and magick really peeve me. What is all that but stuff for the tourists. Other than your own personal magick (that comes from within yourself and stays there) any other magick falls the wrong way of harms none.

You may think you're helping someone but did they ask for help? Even if they did ask how are you helping them? People need to do things for themselves, to learn and to appreciate their own efforts. Helping other people will often backfire and next time they will seek you out instead of doing for themselves. You are their crutch, not their friend. Don't weaken your friends, let them develop their own magick, inside themselves.

... and you thought only Dragons could roar. ;)

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday August 27, 2004  

The best part of sex is the ache. The craving, the need, the feeling that your pussy wants it, now.

Once you get over that hump (aren't words fun) it's all downhill. You rest, you wait and maybe you take matters into your own hands (literally) and get a round two.

What makes you ache for sex? What makes your pussy need it? Is it an odd little fetish? Is it seeing a hard cock or making a cock hard? Is it just not getting any for awhile and... wanting it like a cat in heat?

I'm ornery tonight. Sometimes that's a good thing. It makes thoughts come in more sharply, or less humbly and polite.

If you were tied to the wall in a darkened room, your eyes covered and someone began making lust to your body, would it matter if it was a male or a female? If you're bisexual it wouldn't. What if you were straight or queer. Yes, your body could get caught up in the moment, reach that sex ache stage and you likely wouldn't care whose hands were on you as long as they stayed there, doing a good job.

What about afterwards, when the lights come on? How would you feel, really?

I went to a munch (a casual BDSM dinner party) and I was asked how I knew I wasn't bisexual. She asked me about the scenario above. It was interesting. But, I know I'm not bisexual. I don't feel that need to have a woman's body that I do for a man's. Maybe it's a thing leftover from my relationship with my Dad, a need for male approval. Or maybe I just lust for man hands over my body, all over. (More in some places than others). I don't feel romantic about women either. We can be friends but I'm not aching to have them tied to my bed begging for mercy.

How do you know you're not bisexual? Or, how do you know you are?

The following is from a messageboard post on Adult BackWash. I quoted my own posts only, below the fragment that set me off. This is definitely a sore point for me. I've had it happen twice now, with different men. Luckily I was only married to the first one.

#...or if later down the road your feelings change and you have to hurt them to get out of the relationship.

That's bullshit. If you're that immature you should never be in a relationship. I went through about a year of hell cause he was too big of a weenie to say he had changed his mind. You have no excuse for pulling that kind of crap on anyone.

Falling out of love is BS. You were never in love if you can fall out of it. People drift apart and all that crap because they'd rather have disposable marriages than stick together and get through the bland, the hard, the years of being together. If you love someone, you love them. You don't fall out of love with your children or your pets. You may not always like them but you don't just stop loving them.

Hurting someone to get out of a relationship is the act of a weenie. If you "fell out of love" you tell them up front. You don't piss around for weeks, months, years and leave them wondering what THEY did. You be direct and tell them you failed and don't have staying power. Anyone who can't be at least that honest with someone they claim to have loved should never get involved with anyone, ever.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying – Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker