Originally posted to Adult BackWash, October 29, 2002.

I was messaged out of the blue while downloading a file on a site with a chat feature. I hadn't even realized it was there until the little window popped up. As soon as I read the standard "asl?" I knew it was yet another troll expecting me to amuse him. I've been online long enough to know better. I'm past hunting for male companionship on the Internet, no, I just bait the trolls...

asl?

What?

Age sex location?

I'm female.

Got a pic?

A picture you mean? No, I don't have anything scanned.

What do you look like?

Brunette, blue eyes, 5'4, 130 lbs.

What are your measurements?

I have big tits. My bra size is a D cup. I have a great ass.

My cock is 8 inches. 24m

I'm 37.

That's ok. I love older women.

Editors note: I was so glad it was OK with him.

Really?

Sure.

Why?

They treat me well, buy me things and are great in bed.

Ok. What do they get out of it?

Huh?

What does the woman get out of you?

A great fuck

Are you sure?

What?

Are you sure the woman gets a great fuck? Couldn't she pick up some other boy and get a better fuck? Do you have references from women you have fucked in the past?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nothing. You started this conversation. I'm just trying not to get bored.

Bitch!

Editors note: Somehow they get upset when I don't co-operate with their whole image of the Internet as a place to pick up women. Still amazes me how they really expect every woman they message to be desperate and drooling all over them, eager for phone or cyber sex. Like we can't do better than some other woman's left over crumbs or an overly eager beaver boy.

One of the many things that bugs me about this dickhead behaviour is the pic collection each of them have from women who might actually be hoping they have met someone who would care about them. But, all these dickheads want is another notch on their monitor, another female picture to add to the pile they can brag about to the other dickheads later.

Troll baiting is better than just getting mad. For a minute, it's like getting even.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Wednesday October 23, 2002

Why don't men play with Barbie dolls? Isn't that what they really dream of? There she is big tits, ass and teeny waist, all done in good quality plastic without the expense of a surgeon. Barbie never wants to go out. She doesn't care if you talk nicely to her or if you even talk to her at all. Barbie will wear whatever you want, as often as you want. Barbie really is the ultimate woman for a lot of men.

Her biggest drawback is that she is short and kind of limited when it comes to sex. No wonder some men buy those blow up dolls, life sized Barbie with convenient holes. Three of them as far as I can tell. Blow up Barbie travels well too. Let the air out and pack Barbie into your shaving kit. Just watch those sharp objects.

Barbie's worst nightmares are fire and sticky stuff. Fire is pretty self explanatory. But, imagine an unwashed, sticky, crusty blow up Barbie. It's not like you can expect that girl to do any self maintenance. She will never shower herself off, brush her hair, patch up her leaks. Poor blow up Barbie, she'll never be someone you could take home to Mother. Luckily, she is easy to replace. If one blow up Barbie gets mangy looking just buy a new one at the adult store.

Men with a few dollars to spare could really go to town and have two blow up Barbies. Isn't that every man's other fantasy? You could use elastic to rope those Barbie babes together and let them at each other. What a wild night that would be! Just don't let Ken know the address.

People seem to still be asking what is it about blogging? Why do you blog?

For me it's a bit ego, a bit instant (imagined) fame and a bit of a release of feelings and a chance to put them in order while I type. It's a catch 22 that way. I write things I don't really want anyone and everyone to know or read about. Yet, for me writing them is a way of getting rid of them, or at least re-sorting things inside my own head.

Anyway, the next question, not that the other one is out of the way. Next, people tend to ask what is a blog, how is it different from an ezine?

That is tricky. What makes one site an ezine, another a newsletter and yet another a weblog? Maybe it's too tricky and should be left in the realm of things that don't really need to be defined, just enjoyed.

However, for those who are curious...

My take on a blog over an ezine is that a blog is still a journal while an ezine is usually professionally geared in some way. When people try to pigeonhole BackWash they call it a blog community. I don't agree. It's too complex to be filed under blog. There are more than just personal rants, soapboxing and such going on here. We even have newsletters!

What is and is not a blog? Maybe the world will never know.

I love Halloween. It's second only to Christmas for me. There is a spooky, daring spirit to Halloween. Not the opposite of Christmas spirit, just different.

I enjoy seeing the kids in their costumes and handing out candy. Even though we hardly get any kids coming on our street and it does get boring sitting there for three hours, waiting. Still, I like sitting there in the dark, trying not to eat the chocolate and looking out into the night sky, thinking, absorbing the spirit.

I like the air on Halloween night. When we were kids my brother and sisters and I would all go out together. Whatever we dressed up as, it didn't really matter. Once my Mom got to kid #4 the costumes melded until we were all hobos. She did make costumes for each of us when we were young. I remember a princess that I was. One year I wore a grass skirt and Hawaiian style shirt and won first prize for my costume at the community centre.

My sister kept her angel wings from a Halloween costume. She even wore them in a Christmas school play later. My brother went as a hockey player more than once, he actually was playing hockey at the time. I don't really remember the costumes, just the fun of getting ready, looking forward to getting out there and then being out there.

There was always something in the air on Halloween night. An element of risk. That seems the best way to pin it into one word. Halloween felt like something could happen. Something unexpected and daring. Not so much scary but certainly fresh and exilerating.

The night would end with my baby sister and myself home first. The other two would stay out until the last house closed up for the night. They walked all around the neighbourhood and would come in after 11:00 some Halloweens. I'm sure they had more fun than I did. But, being the big sister means you bring home the little sister. I didn't mind too much. By 9:00 I'd already had time to feel the charge of Halloween. At home I could look for spooky shows on TV or the radio.

Halloween is still fun. It's still an adventure every year. Always, there is that element of risk. When you go outside taking a deep breath of that night air. Scanning the shadows, to make sure something isn't lurking out there. That Jackolantern's grin seems just a bit more spooky. Are you sure you left it sitting just that way on the step? It couldn't have moved, could it?

No, surely not! Halloween is just a bit of fun, right? Don't let it scare you.

Go out and get spooked.

If you've read this column now and then, you've probably wondered about the vagabond part. Well, she is back!

I love to travel and road trips in particular are one of my favourite things. I don't need to hop on an airplane and go to Russia to be happy. Not that I would pass up the opportunity! But, just to wander around my own Canada is plenty happifying for me.

So, now that I have bought myself a car, my first car, I will be off wandering as soon as the ink is on the paperwork. Tomorrow, Wednesday, I will pay the rest of the car money and start packing. Likely I will fill up the tank with gas here in town when I leave on Thursday morning. I still don't like self serve gas stations. It's nice to see the lady here in town and chat for those 30 seconds or so. Plus, I don't have to look like a twit trying to figure out how each set of pumps works. Why are they all different?

Anyway, tonight I am going to look up local events in Ontario. I am thinking of Kincardine and Sarnia, both would be great but they are in different directions. That much driving could be too much for the little grey car, or me as a fairly new driver.

Both Sarnia and Kincardine are on the Great Lakes. But Kincardine has an actual lighthouse and a beach with great big rocks that I remember from when I was a kid. (We lived on a farm in the area, just for a few years). But, Sarnia is cheaper and I am thinking to move there. Not till after the winter though. Even I can not cope with another move this soon after moving in July.

So, tonight , after I look for a grape jelly recipe for my Mom, I will be cruising the sites and finding the most interesting things to see. Planning routes, pit stops and what is the least junk I need to pack for a couple of nights away in the little grey car, as yet unnamed. No doubt by the time I get back I will have named the car.

PS- She bought 3 baskets of grapes. They smell wonderful! I don't even like grapes.