I haven't made a New Year's Resolution since I caved under co-worker pressure when I was 16 and working full time supporting an apartment of my own. I had quit high school and moved out, shared an apartment with an older woman (older than me which wasn't saying much at the time). The women where I worked (the even older ones, those who I think were kind of nasty to me when I see it from the perspective of an older woman) pressured me into making New Year's Resolutions.

It had never been a big deal with my family. We had our First Footing thing where the person with dark hair was the first caller of the New Year and had a drink with everyone, being welcomed into the home. Since I was the only dark haired kid in the family I got to be the First Footer most years.

Anyway, I don't remember what resolutions I made that year. I just know I broke them all within the month and I felt really bad. I almost never break my promises, to anyone. I no longer let myself give them away so easily either. Age brings wisdom as well as grey hairs, whiskers and well, that's enough information.

So for 2006 I will make the following resolutions, for no good reason, with no real promise to fulfill any one of them.

1). I will buy a better pair of tweezers for those really aggravating chin whiskers. I can feel one, freshly grown. Why is it you can really only see them while looking in the car mirror. I don't know how many times I've pretended not to notice someone catching me plucking my chinny chin chin. Twice I pretended to pick my nose just to add to the show.

2). I will make more ASCII art, pixel art and make use of the digital camera. Things I wanted to do anyway, so there. I did take the digital camera out for a spin today. I took pictures of the row of snow covered pine trees in the backyard. But I think the battery has a problem cause the camera kept trying to shut itself down before I could click to take the picture.

3). I will date a pirate of some kind. Any guy wearing an eyepatch will do. I've always had a thing for eye patches, they look so dangerous and mysterious. I don't go in for the whole 'bad boy' thing, just the illusion and the eye patch of course.

4). I will create a web comic. I made a sketch today, I just have to learn to draw now and I'll be all set.

5). I will finish learning CSS. I'm reading Web Design Garage and have gone past the point of no return. (That's so much more interesting than saying I'm more than halfway through the book).

6). I will conquer the blasted sewing machine. I will also re-remember how to crochet granny squares.

7). I will take a completely pointless and unplanned road trip. Probably to the Kincardine area again. I found the perfect beach in the middle of nowhere. All pebbly and those sparse looking beach trees and water, lots of clear water you can walk into without stepping on too many shells. I will have a cottage cheese picnic there again and build my sandcastle, again.

8). I will accomplish more of the things I want to do.

9). There is nothing else, just checking to see who fell asleep.

Note: You'll be delighted (no doubt) to know I pulled out that whisker with my fingers just now. Doesn't it seem odd that men lose hair while women gain it? I'm sure it's part of some devious plot.

How far would you go for $100 an hour? Would you sell yourself for an hour? Would you commit a crime? Would you... ?

Would you let a man fondle and play with your breasts in exchange for money? Assuming you are female and have breasts.

What do you think about a guy who would pay for that, $100 an hour.

What do you think about a woman who would consent to that.

I have no answers, just the possibility of $100 an hour.

I think my brother would be really upset, should he ever find out. I think my Mother wouldn't be crazy about it, but she might understand.

Am I a total sleazebag? I've been a nice girl all my life. I never slept around before, during or after my marriage. What does it matter? I'm 41 now, no shy, blushing virgin.

Sometimes men, with their need for a fuck (not sex and certainly not making love) make me sick. I hate them in ways. Reading the Craiglist posts for the Toronto list, all the personals from men are geared to sex. Even the few that mention more have to add sex or the emphasis on the way she looks rather than the person she is. In reality do they really want more than a blow up doll, I think not.

So, when I need money and I really don't expect I will find another man to have around in my life, why not get $100 an hour? If I can stand to be touched, if I can reserve everything in my mind and just be a blow up doll, why not do it?

The only problem I can see is just being too grossed out to follow through with it. I am about as virginal as 41 years old woman is likely to be. Maybe I'm a bit prudish just from a lack of experience, having only had sex with the man I was married to. One boyfriend after the divorce but no sex. My life is too crazy to be real.

Canadian Driver

I was thinking about road rage today. Some people really are getting out of hand about it. Last night on the news they had a short blab about it. There are two cases from this past year, just in my area (about an hour out of even the extreme edge of anything that can be called Toronto). Both cases have people who are still being treated for injuries in road rage cases, one happened in April and the other July. That's months ago and police are still handling them, people are still healing from them. That's crazy.

People who tend to get that angry should not be driving. They should also learn that not everything is about themselves.

"That car cut ME off." Did they really cut you off? Or did they just goof up and try to get moved over into another lane. Was it really personal? Did they get to know you first and then cut you off. Don't make it all about you. You just happened to be there.

The only time I get annoyed while driving is when people drive too close behind me. I drive an older car (older than any children alive as children become teenagers at the age of 13, cars just become relics). That car isn't always happy about being on the road. Sometimes it doesn't feel all too eager to speed up after the red light, sometimes it is quite happy to drive AT the speed limits. Usually we are both pretty happy about that part, I don't want a ticket. Anyway, I often get people driving behind me who try to push me to go faster. Go around me people. Don't try to make me do something I don't want to do, don't be a road jerk. You have options other than shining your headlights in my face or trying to read the tag on the back of my shirt. Go around and get lost.

There, all my road rage has been released now. I feel so much better. Luckily I didn't have to go anywhere today. I didn't even go out to uncover the car from the snow that avalanched down upon us last night. Poor car, I'm so glad I don't live outside all year.