I had two days off work and I'm just as worn out as I would be had I been working. I think it's being here. There is so much stress from too much family time, especially when it's sort of not really your family any more. You can never go back, that's true when it's about your parents and brothers and sisters. You can't go back and expect them to accept that you aren't that same dorky kid, loser, whatever. Sometimes I feel like there are two people inside me. One is the person they expect me to be and the other is the unexplored (real) me. I wonder if I have to break something to be that real me. It seems the only way out and yet you're always trained to be nice, not hurt others and respect your family. What do you have to lose to gain yourself and your freedom from old standards?

Emily, it freaks me out that you're possibly reading this. I know you'll laugh. :) Me too.

I'm working my way up to Halloween ASCII. This idea came from a card I bought for a woman who just remarried.

I don't really think I'm ever going to find a man to share my life with. I'm not sure what's so wrong with me but I it's something. People can sense it in some weird way, a vibe, a smell, a whatever. I don't know. The only people who are attracted to me are the needy. Men and young people who need someone to listen to their problems, their life stories and give advice, pretty much anything but money. That's one commodity I don't have.

I don't want to be needed. I want to be wanted, desired, lusted for and at the top of his to do list. Do me, do me cause you want to not cause I asked, not cause I guilted you into it. Do me cause I'm what you want. Be with me cause I'm interesting, attractive, good company and a lot of fun in the bedroom. Don't bother with me cause I'm a good listener and you need someone to weigh down with your life's history of problems. I have my own I really really really don't want yours too.

Why doesn't anyone really want me? I'm feeling old and worn down by being needed.

Comment

agingyoungrebel

I know the affliction, I call it "Wailing Wall Syndrome", and at times, I've had it too...