Originally published in Adult BackWash: Monday September 30, 2002

"Well here I am, what's the big surprise?"

The room remained just as dark and quiet. Shelly waited, one hand touching the concrete wall, keeping track of the door she had just closed behind her.

"Did someone fall asleep at the switch?" Shelly called, a little louder. Still nothing. …more

Deadlines sound like a fisherman's term for a bad day.

How do you handle deadlines? Are you a procrastinator, like me? Sometimes I do get started early, with all the passion and enthusiasm for the topic I'm undertaking. But, I get too caught up in the research and the ideas. The actual article doesn't start taking shape until I suddenly realize the deadline is looming over me like big black clouds over a tiny fishing boat on the lake. Then, I rush and worry that I haven't done the article as well as I could have, should have. Days like those your spellchecker can be your good friend.

Undertaking is another good word. It definitely sounds like what the undertaker does and I guess it really is, just not quite the same thing when applied to a funeral parlour. Yes, I'm full of bad witticisms today.

Anyway, a writing assignment/ project/ job/ career requires undertaking and deadlines on a regular basis. Deadlines keep you from poking around, if you're like me. Undertakings get you started. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part. Any time you feel overwhelmed by the job (writing or otherwise) it's a great idea to step back and break it into bite sized pieces. That way it's manageable instead of horrifyingly huge and a massive undertaking. You can also put the least appealing things first, get them done and out of the way so you can enjoy the parts you like and have a better chance of being finished for your deadline.

Keep things simple and work on your deadlines, especially good advice to all the fishing types.

Can you imagine how it would have been in the pioneer days to live with livestock in the house? Cows and pigs, sheep and chickens running around your kitchen, under your bed, fleas in your clothes and hair. Yuck!

I am not someone who will keep pets in a house. It's that whole livestock idea. I cringe when I read about pet owners who clean up bodily messes their animals have left in beds and floors and so on. I don't understand how it can be pleasant to live with your livestock. I'm sure most of the pioneers were glad when the warm weather came and the livestock could move outside.

Now we have electric and gas heating, we don't need the livestock to keep us warm or the other way around.

I do like pets however. Cats are my favourite. They look after themselves, don't drool or bark or require constant cage or tank cleaning. They also live just long enough, not too short as many small animals tend to do. I think cats are good pets for children. Cats don't mind some affection but they won't need daily attention. Outdoor cats are especially great at looking after themselves and just being there when you get home and want to spend some time with them. You don't need to spend a weekend grooming them or a big chunk of your day leading them around on a leash. Perfect!

Fish are nice too, but not as clean as cats. Ideal fish would be in a pond outdoors with the odd frog and garter snake. Not great for apartment dwellers but then people in apartments can usually catch their own pet rodents anyway. Just don't tell the kids where Hammy came from.

Here, in Adult BackWash, it's my job to be provoking. Not thought provoking, though I expect your brain comes into it at some point. Just provoking in a naughty, flirting, seductive way. It's usually fun. When I'm in the mood to be provoking.

Sometimes I would rather be provoking in a different way. I'm contrary. If you say black I might just say yellow, just to be provoking and contrary. Of course, I don't say white, that would cross the line from provoking to aggravating. I'd rather stick with provoking, it's more fun and easier to get out of later if things don't work out quite as planned.

When I chat on IRC, I enjoy being provoking there too. I don't get there too often these days. I used to be an IRC diva, back when I was still a virgin. One of those nice girls longing to test out being bad, or at least a bit naughty. Now, having been there and done that a few times, I'm just me again. That nice girl with an underlying, lurking streak of wickedness.

Evil? Well, that could be next. I'd really need the right partner. Do you know any men who want a sexy, provoking, contrary, seductive woman with a lot of t and a?

Fooled you. I'm not all that, really. In truth I'm a soccer Mom without the husband, kids, minivan, picket fence, garden or pets.

How many different kinds of writing can you think of? Beyond the non-fiction and fiction there seem to be an endless variety of genres and styles and mediums for writers to get into. This week I'm trying to find a good cross selection of links to get your brain thinking. Why not try something new? After all that is the best way to beat writers block. If you keep trying new ideas I doubt you will ever feel you can't write.

Having options is the best revenge.

If I'm wrong in your case, try some writing exercises. Those are options too.