Holidays and events should be celebrated whether you are alone or with family and friends. Celebrate yourself being alive! There are moments of excitement. I loved having the whole bed to myself again and deciding what I wanted when it came to grocery shopping.

Getting on With Life After a Divorce

I had a short marriage and a long divorce.

Two people get married and two people get divorced. Does it really matter who starts (or ends) things officially?

In the end you feel battered, empty and less than sane.

Some women get divorced for obvious reasons like domestic violence. This wasn't the problem with my marriage. He just didn't want to remain married.

I don't have a magic answer for divorced women. But, I've been there and come out from the other side. It happens, you have to stay on track, keep going forward and watching one day turn into night and become daylight again.

Give Yourself Permission and Time to be a Wreck

For me I had a real need to go to a specific beach which I remembered from when I was a kid. Ironically, that beach was far, far away from where I was living when I was married and still far enough to be a full day's drive away from where I moved after the divorce. But, I just needed to be there. I still don't know why. Maybe I just needed a goal, something real to pull myself forward through one day to the next.

I bought a car. I used the last of my savings and the money I had kept from my parents (the money they gave me for my wedding). I paid cash, got the paperwork done and then I made my plans, packed and drove away. I spent a weekend in the town near the beach. I liked the drive itself but I knew I was headed to that beach like a migrating bird with a plan.

I didn't find that part of beach right away and it wasn't summer so things were a bit chilly and wet. I drove down as close as I could in the car and then I got out and walked down to the water. I didn't do anything. I stood there awhile and didn't feel anything. I hadn't felt anything for a couple of months. Then I got back into the car and drove into town, found a motel. I went out to find a grocery store so I could get fresh, new shampoo and soap. Some groceries: fruit and cottage cheese to have in the motel room. I like doing that when I take a road trip. Having new soap and shampoo, like a poor woman's day at the spa.

In the morning I began the drive back home. I didn't feel anything different. But, once I got back I applied for (and was happy to get) the first job I applied for. Maybe taking that time made some difference in how I did on the interview. Maybe getting away to that beach broke the ice inside of me enough that I could seem human again. Even though I wasn't feeling it.

Now, I understand how much I really was feeling buried under all my sand, ice, and whatever else. I was angry. Angrier than I could handle feeling.

Become Part of the World Again

Getting that job helped a lot!

So that's lesson two on how to be a divorced woman. Get yourself out there in the world. Be with people again, even when you don't want to. It helps if you put yourself in the path of no resistance. Like a job where you need to be doing things and you just go and do things without thinking about what you're feeling. Don't spend time dwelling on what an emotional wreck you are. Put that in the background so you can keep living.

It takes time to get through your feelings. They are too strong to work out all at once. Talking to people can help but it's not for everyone. Plus, I would not have wanted to even try sharing what I was feeling then. There was too much of it. As time went by and I could feel myself thawing out I knew I was feeling far more than I would ever want to let loose on another person. Too much of almost every emotion.

I don't want it to seem that I never talked to anyone during this time. Of course I did. I had one friend in particular who helped me a lot. She had a lot more experience with men. My husband had been my first big relationship, first time of being physically intimate and my first marriage. She gave me perspective. Which I really needed.

At one point I was sure I was clinically insane. But that was in the very early days when I still felt less than human and frozen. I kept a personal blog those days. At the end of the time, about the time I started the job, I deleted the whole blog. I really regret that. In my life I would say I really don't have any big regrets, but that is one. There is no way I could remember the things I wrote in those days. But, keeping the journal was so important. Essential, really.

Don't Burn Out: Start Letting Some Things Go

I regret deleting that blog and all my angst, rants, tears and fears. But, I know it was a step I took (a big one, as it was not an easy decision to make at the time I did it) towards letting go and moving away from the wreckage, flotsam and jetsam of the divorce.

At some point you need to begin putting space between the person you were when you were married, the person you became as you were divorced and the shiny, new person you are becoming as you stop being an open wound.

You do begin to heal and to forget some of your feelings. Some of it just becomes less important.

I didn't realize how angry I was with my ex-husband until I discovered he had changed his email address and I didn't have the new one. It really bothered me that I might not be able to contact him, or at least have the feeling that he was there on the other end of the Internet. (We had been friends far longer than we were married). At that point, on that day actually, I discovered a lot of anger and let it go. I couldn't hold onto anger when I understood that I couldn't let go of him, our friendship and all that we had been and done together. It won't ever be the same, but it's something I want to keep. Over ten years since the divorce and I'd say he is a friend again. It changed over time, in stages.

Letting go of anger was such an important step in getting my own self back. I think that was when the last of the frozen feeling finally left me. I began not only being in the world again but feeling I was actually there, in the world, again.

Stop Being a Divorced Woman

Last of all, think about who you want to be and put yourself there.

I started this by typing that I was married a short time and divorced a long time. That is how I felt. I was seeing myself as a divorced woman, not a single woman, not a career woman, not a woman even. I put the divorced as front and centre of who I am.

I don't any more.

Now I'm just me. I happen to be divorced. But, it's just one facet of who I am. It's not how I introduce myself.

So that's how I was a divorced woman and how I found my way out of it - to be myself again.

Caught between calm and chaos she holds her head high... Newly found strength, courage and grace confidently guide her.

Before you begin reading this, know that I like Valentine's Day and I'm a romantic, old fashioned even. You should also know that I like getting traditional gifts on Valentine's Day and I'm not high maintenance. I like giving gifts too. This is not the typical anti- Valentine's Day complaint about commercialism, retail stores making money, saturated fats, dead flowers, etc, etc. No, I think anti-Valentine's Day is worth writing about for the heart weary people of the world. The divorced and now single, the never married and now lonely and the widowed and now alone.

People who have lost someone, never found someone and those who have had someone taken away - we should have some patience (if not sympathy) on this one romantic, traditionally couple-some holiday of the year.

Send the single people you know a Valentine on Valentine's Day. Say it's an anti-Valentine, if you don't want to give the wrong impression. But, don't let them go by the whole long day without getting something they didn't go out and buy for themselves. This includes single men. Yes, men like chocolate and flowers too. Most of them, likely the same ratio as women but men try to be a bit stoic about the whole thing.

Alone on Valentine's Day?

• Do something for someone else. Give someone else the attention and affection you'd like yourself. Next thing you'll be feeling better and thinking about yourself a bit less.
• Arrange to spend the day with friends, or co-workers. Don't be alone if you really don't want to be alone. Chances are, others are feeling the same way you are.
• Work out a plan for meeting someone. Try a new personal ad on a new dating site. Join a group with people interested in the same things you are. Decide this is the year you really will meet someone. It's surprising how just setting your mind can make things happen.
• Do something for yourself. If you have kids or pets stash them with family and friends for the day. Get out and spend the day making yourself happy.
• Celebrate Valentine's Day. Whatever your own situation, why not enjoy the day. Celebrate the feelings behind the event. Romance and love are nice to have, to have had and to look forward to having again.

I wrote one like this before. Probably for HubPages. This one has more points about being prepared and bringing stuff with you. I don't really do either of those. I wear totally the wrong shoes and I only bring the map book and my camera. 

 Probably not a great example to follow. 

10 safety tips when photographing abandoned buildings :: Photographs inQuinte by Geary LeBell

As my interest with taking photos of old, abandoned structures and buildings has increased over the years, so has my awareness of my safety. Many of the buildings that I enter are NOT structurally sound and present a risk to your safety when exploring.

Here are 10 tips when out exploring and taking photographs of old abandoned buildings and other structures.

1. Watch your step tripping hazard. Always be cautious with the steps you take. You need to be reasonably sure that the floor or surrounding structure is going to stay intact when exploring. There are many places where I've made a conscious decision not to enter because I felt my well-being was at risk. Entering an unsound building is a risk to your safety. Use common sense every time you make a decision to explore.

2. Be aware of your surroundings. Walking on uneven and weak flooring; being surrounded by loose brick, drywall, plaster and other building materials; and surrounded by sharp and ridged objects is a recipe for disaster if you do not exercise caution. Caution, balance and awareness of your surrounding are key to increasing your chances of not being injured or worse.

3. Photo gear bag with easy equipment access. Make sure your gear is accessible and safe. The ability to quickly access your camera, lenses and other equipment will not only provide safety for you, but your gear as well. Brining too much equipment or not being properly organized for transport creates frustration when trying to switch camera bodies or lenses and put you and your gear at risk. When exploring, I either leave my camera case in the car; bringing only what I need, or always wear it around my shoulders or neck when exploring the interior of a structure. Accessing my equipment can be done without ever taking the case off as it can go from behind me to in front of me by sliding the shoulder strap around my person, which provides easy access to all my equipment.

4. Wear the proper shoes. Wearing a solid shoe with good tread is critical when exploring old buildings. I would even go so far as to recommend work boots; even though I never wear them. The point is that you need to have a solid grip on the ground and ankle support for uneven ground. I wear a good quality running shoe with good tread and have never had an issue. Sandals, high heels or bare feet will surely get your injured!

5. Stepping on a nail hazard Wear proper clothing. Don't wear tight, bulky or expensive clothing. You'll need to be able to maneuver in tight spots and in awkward positions to get that amazing photo. Wearing tight jeans, a bulky jacket or a $800 dollar leather jacket is not ideal for this kind of photography. Think cheap, light and comfortable fitting.

6. Have a method of communicating with the outside world. If possible, carry your mobile phone in a secure but accessible location. The last thing you need is to get injured and/or stuck, having no way to notify someone.

7. Tell someone where you're at! Always tell a friend or family member where you're going. Accidents happen and you can take comfort in the fact that, if you're missing for some time, someone will know your location and eventually will find you. Remember the movie 127 hours?

8. Be calm, polite and understanding to property owners. Chances are, at one point or another you will be approached by the owner of a property you have not been given permission to be on. In my experience, being polite, understanding explaining your purpose usually is responded to in a positive manner. Always be accommodating, even if they tell you to get the #$#ck off my property!

9. Get permission go on someones property. Be aware of other people's presence. 99.9% of the time when you happen to cross paths with another person while exploring an old building you will have no issues. Just be aware if there are people in the area, you should use good judgement to avoid a situation you don't want to be in. Use your gut feeling and common sense to avoid suspect individuals! Be wary of causing injury to them and vice versa, them to you.

10. And finally, get permission. The best thing you can do to relieve the stress of being in an abandoned building without permission is to get permission. Sure it's fun and gets the adrenalin pumping, but to have permission from a property owner will set your mind at ease and provide you with a more pleasurable, un-rushed experience. Some ideas on how to get permission: talk to a neighbour, investigate the place online before heading out, check with local Land registrars.

A boyfriend sent me this years ago. I don't know where the original card is any more but I'm so glad I retyped it into my old LiveJournal account. Today I found it there.  If it has a title I don't know it.

Take my hand. Let's travel life together... but let's take time to savor where we go.

We'll measure distance, not in miles but kisses. We'll pack our smiles and leave our cares behind.

Instead of postcards, we'll collect embraces, and I'll memorize your face on moonlit nights...

We'll leave the road for meadows, beaches, cafes, and secret places only we will know.

Life's too short for us to ever finish a journey that explores our heart's desires, so let's go now...

We won't regret one minute of traveling life together hand in hand.

Alarie Tennille

This is from my old Live Journal posts.

It's been awhile since I posted here. I haven't entirely forgotten LiveJournal but I have a few other sites I'm writing for, my own and a couple for a friend. Since the advent of social media, or since social media became something more than a chatty thing, there isn't enough time to fit everything and every site in.

Today I got reading back to my oldest posts in LiveJournal. I'd forgotten some of the people and places along the way in the past years. I liked remembering some of them. Funny how the guys I was dating who made me feel so bad at the time but now I can really only remember one of them. The only one I actually spent time with in the real world, not just online. Shows how seriously I should have taken all that offline romance. Not seriously at all or in any way.

I'd like to say I'll post here again but the fact is that I probably won't. I notice a bookmarklet up there, seems new (or new to me). I might add it to my browser and see if I can keep this old site from falling stale again.

Happy Summer,

Laura

Comment from lakeguy - always nice to read your posts