I wrote this in my blog tonight. What do you think? Do you feel the same way?

You have no idea what a big fraud I feel like. I'm no expert in or about anything and yet here I am writing newsletters for Pagans, travelers, gardeners, decorators, and so on. Who do I think I am? But, more than that why do they listen to me? There's the real mystery.

It's weird isn't it? When I'm writing I have in my mind the critic who keeps shouting over my shoulder that someone could poke their eye out if they listen to me. But, I keep going. I keep writing anyway. The sending for publishing part is even harder than the original writing part. If you actually try to publish your unexpertness someone is bound to catch you and report you as the fraud you are.

I admit I know nothing beyond the contents of my own brain. Maybe that's good enough. I do have a lot up there after all.

Those brain contents and our research are all any of us have to go on really. Think about that next time you feel like you're a writing fraud. If someone can read your words and come away with something concrete or something they see as good then you're doing your job as a writer. You don't have to be the perfect expert with all the answers. Sometimes it just takes someone to write it, even if all they really know are the questions.

Happy Writing and Happy Spring!

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Monday April 28, 2003  

Want to turn me on? Worship my boobs. You must like big boobs, mine will never fit into a champagne glass. They're pretty bouncy for the size and age they are too. Breasts, for those that don't like the word boobs. Sometimes breasts are boobs and other times they are breasts. Tonight is a boobs kind of night.

My nipples are large but not huge. I've seen some really huge, kind of gross looking, nipples on porn sites. But, I wonder if they are false, like the monster cocks. Oh come on! Don't make me laugh!! I think they substitute a horse's cock in those pictures. It wouldn't be all that hard to do. Does that make it beastiality?

Oddly, my nipples don't perk up even when I'm aroused. I think they're very laid back. They only come to attention when given the proper respect/ worship. If you come out to play so will they. Very contrary of them. But, I completely understand.

Anyway, for the rest of the boobage. Mine are a double D. They get in the way but I adapt. I've never been jealous of small boobs but I can see how it would make life easier. Much easier to find a bra too. My favourite bra is a black sports bra cause my boobs fit right in and stay there, no matter what I do during the day. Trust me, big boobs need a reliable bra.

There are times when having big boobs is embarrassing. You can never really tuck them away and become inconspicuous. My boobs always arrive before I do. If I try to turn around and enter backwards my butt sticks out enough to be a second pair of boobs. So that plan is thrwarted.

A lot of men like big boobs. It's interesting. What do they like about them really? Is it how obvious they are? You can hardly ignore them, it's easy to spot big boobs in a crowd. But, men only seem to look at them as sex toys.

Or, do men really like big boobs as some sort of icky Mother fetish. Is it me they want to suck on or Mommy Dearest? Do they simply miss breastfeeding? Don't look at me, it's not my fetish!

In conclusion, I've yet to find a really good use for big boobs outside of sexual worshipping. They could be a good paperweight if they didn't leave the desk each time I do. They do give all the bra makers something to work on. Don't tell the bra makers that I'm going braless as I type this and I sleep that way too. Why spoil it for them?

Staying safe, in your own safe little world. Is that where you are? Many of us choose our adventures, how far we will go depends on where we have our safety nets.

For instance, have you told anyone you're Pagan? Have you told your family, friends, co-workers, boss? I'm not suggesting you rush out and do it. I'm certainly not daring you to tell them either. It's a personal thing. Being Pagan is a personal thing in itself. A personal choice and something just for you.

It should not, however, be some dark secret. Something deep, dangerous and naughty. That's not what Paganism should be. It's not something you should have to hide from your family. Being Pagan is about caring for life, the Earth and old traditions. How can they really object to that? Still, you can find the safety zone. You can let them know you're into nature, environmental issues and historical traditions. You can be Pagan without saying the word Pagan to them.

People don't always get that. They think they have to hide being Pagan because others won't like it or will be shocked by it. They turn it into a deep, dark secret. By doing that they make it become something dark, secret. No wonder so many people still think of Pagans as devil worshippers.

You have the power to find where your safe world is, set the boundaries and set the record straight if you choose to. Let people know you're Pagan, if you can or if you choose to. But, don't make it some dark mystery. Don't let them find an altar, a book or a pentacle in your room without explanation. If you make being Pagan something to be ashamed of or fear you hurt all of us.

Instead be proud of who you are and be as honest about it as you can. For me, the only person I couldn't talk to about being Pagan was my Grandmother. It scared her. She couldn't think of it as anything but dangerous for me. She didn't understand that it's not something dark, but something light. She didn't know what I made of being Pagan, for me. She only knew the stereotypes she had heard all her life.

I'm having a chocolate night. I just want something delicious and sweet, not yucky sweet but really good, mouth watering, mind numbing chocolateness. Chocolate chip cheesecake, chocolate ice cream with nuts and caramel ribbons, huge three tier choclate cake with choclate icing and roses. Mmmm. Pile all of that on a big piece of hot lasagna oozing mozarella cheese... Yeah, that's what I want. Don't forget a really good, smooth, rich coffee.

Whoever said food is better than sex... at least it's a good alternative. If you aren't getting one you can surely find the other.

Squelch your own pessimism. Grab it in a claw hold and squeeze relentlessly until you feel it oozing out between your fingers, put the screws to it just as it's been doing to you for far too long. Kill it, kill it now! Crazed laughter echoes around the room

There! Now don't you feel better? Isn't it time you gave yourself a break? You know you can write, the mechanics are there for anyone to read, study and perfect. The heart of writing and the style are things you bring from within yourself. You know you have plenty to say, endless thoughts and stories to tell. So, what's holding you back? Pessimism, that bloated ghost of "I can't" rotting away your optimism and spirit of adventure. So, fight back. Take back your words and get them on the page in spite of all the reasons you're afraid to take the chance.

Do you think the editors of the world are going to be peeved at you for submitting your work? Of course they won't. They need content. Don't be stupidly careless and submit your work without proofreading, that's a given, right?! So, don't let fear of editors hold you back. They want what you've got. You just have to send it to them cause they have no way of knowing you've got what they want.

What else do you fear or let hold you back? Family and friends not quite fully on your side? Get those people out of your mind. You can't ignore them but you could push them to the back seats long enough to get your writing going. Besides, most of them will shut up when you have a couple of cheques to show for your work. That's really what their biggest argument is about. At least in every case I've heard so far. I have to wonder in my case, are they attacking the writing career or me? Bet you wonder the same thing though you may never put it into words. However, if you can get the career off the ground, that will become a moot point. So do yourself a favour and just keep on trucking... err writing. Keep trying and have faith in yourself.

What else brings you into major pessimistic mode? Those are the biggest two for me. Lack of faith in myself due to family/ friends and lack of faith that anything I write could possibly of interest or good enough for an editor to put into print. But, it's interesting that in spite of my lack of faith in myself other people feel just the opposite. If you look I'm sure you can find people who think you're wrong about yourself too. Somewhere there is someone who is your biggest fan and it's not just that optimist inside your own head. Look for your fans, support them as they support you. When the pessimism gets hold of you the best thing you can do is remember your fans and drive ahead through the storm till you get to the other side.

Good luck to all of us.