I'm not unlinking from 9Rules. My feed still goes through on the Writing section of their network, so for that, I am keeping the link up. But, I have in every way that matters, given up on 9Rules. I feel really let down, disappointed and somewhat stupid for ever believing in it.

If I had my blog in 9Rules in the beginning, when the site still had passion behind it, I would have felt very much differently. Instead, I was accepted in the one and only batch of blogs after 9Rules was bought out. Since then we had a few empty promises and then... nothing much at all. Someone logged in for awhile to update the blog, token updates. My links appeared there until someone must have protested that my links were appearing too often. I update daily so there are a lot of posts to choose from when someone updated the 9Rules blog. But, someone must have been jealous and protested about the amount of times Word Grrls was linked to. I never bothered to ask about it, I understand pettiness and jealousy. It was just one little thing that began to bother me.

I've been a member of 9Rules since 2009. When the site went down recently, without explanation, I thought that would likely be the end of it. Like a sudden sinking of a ship. Just gone beneath the waves, leaving nothing but a kerplunk. But, they brought it up.  Of course, it's been unchanged since then. It would have been a nice sign of life if there were a post about the down time, or an email sent out to the members. This unchanged, non-communication, took away the last trace of hope I had for the site. I'm just waiting for it's final disappearance now.

But, as I wrote above, I'm keeping the link up as long as my feed still gets published on the network. It used to be important, part of the agreement to having membership. Now I can find many sites still part of the network, but no longer giving the link back to 9Rules. No one cares. I don't mean the individual bloggers, I mean the people behind 9Rules. They just don't care or have an interest in the network. It serves them by merely existing as  a domain to stick up Google Adsense. A shame, but it happens all too often when someone sells a site to someone else.

RIP 9Rules.

I read a post about documenting life through the photographs we take. I got thinking about how small things that happen can mean a lot and shouldn't be too easily overlooked. The place you go for coffee, the spot you always like to sit and the same coffee mug they serve you with. Right now it's common place, every day. In a few years when your life has changed and you live in a different place or whatever else may have happened to you in between... it would be nice to come across a photo of yourself in your coffee place and remember when that moment was nothing special, just every day ordinary.

Think about the things you do which aren't special. Document them. Write about the event, the situation, all the details - think of it as leaving your future self a note. Then take a photograph too. Or, get someone to photograph you so you can be in your own documentary.

My ex and I are becoming friends again. It won't ever be the same as the days before we were married or while we were married. But, I didn't like feeling estranged from him. We are far apart in physical distance but we have never been very far apart in friendship. It's hard to let that slip away even after a divorce.

I don't think every couple can go through divorce and keep a friendship. You have to let go of a lot of anger, sadness and other emotions. You even have to forgive things that you can still hear him saying in your mind. You need to let go (or hold less tightly) to things that hurt you so deeply you can almost feel the cracks in your heart, mind and soul. But, for awhile there is just numbness. That's how you pull yourself away at first. You just don't feel anything.

Then you live through the aftermath. The time it takes to rebuild yourself and your life. It takes a lot of energy to rise from your own ashes. I went through a time of wondering if I could ever feel connected to the world again. I journaled through the worst of it. Writing helped sort out my thoughts and pull some of them out of the muck my mind was in.

Then his email bounced, about six months after our divorce. I felt a shock that I might not know where he was, or that I could not contact him any time. That was the moment I reached back and connected with him again. It wasn't friendship right then. It was more like a feeling of loss, not wanting to lose our connection, whatever state it happened to be in at that time.

Now, about ten years later, we are friends. It's not a comfortable friendship where I just say whatever I am thinking and know he will understand. There are things I don't want to say. There are things that have become too personal. I's not as simple and uncomplicated as it had been. Ironic that the person I have been more intimate with than anyone (other than my Mother in a different kind of relationship) is someone I now feel reserved with and unsure. It's not that I don't trust him. I just feel I have to hold back. Burned once... twice shy. I don't believe he would hurt me but the burn mark is there, it hasn't quite gone away.

I am glad the friendship is there. It's worth keeping. My family wonders if we could/ should get back together. I don't like when they ask that. It's like they deny everything I felt and went through. As if it all were nothing. But, I don't say much about any of it to them.

By the time I actually publish/ post this a lot of what is on this screen right now will be edited out. I don't want to hurt my ex-husband or have him feel bad about what I'm feeling or have felt in the past. I am responsible for my own feelings, for what I take seriously and what I brush off. He isn't. In the end, I think that is how you recover from the divorce and re-work the friendship. You just decide what is important and what your priorities are. You don't choose to be bitter, you just choose to be happy.

I read a post by a man talking about how hard it is to find a Domme who will date boys. My first thought was to wonder where he is looking cause I find there are plenty of Dom women who are looking. Then, it occurred to me... he is talking about professional women, only.

Men who spend their time paying to be Dommed narrow their minds a great deal. Maybe it is the idea that being a Domme is a bad thing, something only a wicked, dirty woman would do. The other women they work with, see in the grocery store, talk to on the bus, etc. would never be the sort to do something like that. So they can only think of the professional Domme/ FemDoms when they consider having a real relationship with a Domme. It must be something like that, cause it just can't be that men are generally so narrow minded, can it?

If you are only trying to date the Dommes who perform as a job/ get paid you are barking up the wrong tree. Not all of them are Dommes outside of work. My friend was a professional but is happily married and living with her husband as his sub. She can work it either way for clients, but her reality is different. Also, I expect dating the men they meet through business is like taking their work home with them. When do they get time to be just themselves if they have to Dom all the time?

There are women who are not professionals and those tend to be the women who know what they want and would like a relationship with a man who knows his place. However, I am cautious about men who have paid for it. They get the wrong idea and assume it will always be done their way, a performance on command.

The ecourses are being removed from SuiteU. They had a lot of work put into them and were offered free. I think they are worth keeping online and available.

Creative Writing Workshop

By Wesley Sharpe

Introduction

  My interest in creativity springs from a university class I attended on Creative Teaching. Before I began my study, I believed the myth that only a few exceptionally bright and gifted individuals are creative. During the next few months I learned that creativity is an innate ability regardless of IQ. Aware that creativity is an inborn gift, I studied the creative thinking skills of elementary school educationally handicapped children. In eight weeks of instruction these boys and girls made outstanding progress in their ability to think of more ideas and more original ideas, than children without special training. Like many new ventures, several years passed before this idea evolved into a book that focused on helping parents understand and teach their children inventive thinking skills. Since then I have continued to study and write about creativity. I developed this workshop to help writers recognize and nurture their writing abilities. In the four lessons students will begin to understand their inventive abilities, and practice ways to think and write originally. Each lesson includes a thinking workout including warm-up exercises. These exercises are designed to give the originative process a boost and prepare you for serious writing. Athletes warm up and stretch their muscles before they begin a workout or competition. You can have the same kind of experience with a creative thinking workout. The primary rule during a workout is to allow the right hemisphere of your brain to take control. This means don't edit grammar or punctuation, and forget about correct spelling at least for a while. Let the words flow. Most of the assigned writing activities are adapted from Freeing Your Creativity by Marshall J. Cook. Although this book is out of print, new and used copies are available from Amazon.Com. My home is in Little River California, population about 400, on California's North Coast. When I am not writing, visiting grandchildren, or looking at the Pacific Ocean, I'm on the golf course enjoying life! …more