Draw your own self portrait, even if you don't think you can draw. Consider the details. What would you be doing, how would you be sitting, what things would be around you in the background and in the foreground?

How would you present yourself, the writer, the family person or some other aspects of who you are? Now go ahead and draw, it doesn't matter if it's a work of art, suitable for framing. It's just for you. Unless it becomes such a masterpiece that you simply must share it!

Now that you are into drawing mode...

Dr. Seuss often got his ideas by doodling. Draw a picture/ doodle and ask yourself why? Why did this happen? How did this happen? How can you explain it all in a story.

What do you usually doodle when on the phone, waiting on hold? Some people doodle shapes, some doodle faces and some create whole pictures. What would you say about your doodles to someone else. How would you describe it? Where did it start and where will it end?

If you enjoy doodling and drawing at all consider making sketches as you write. Especially if you are writing fiction. Draw the characters you are writing about, give them a face on paper, not just in words but in real lines, angles and shapes. Are they happy, scowling, reading a good book? What did you catch your characters doing?

If you write non-fiction drawing it out is good too. Draw what you are describing to someone else. Make it more visible to yourself. Delve just that bit deeper and figure it out from another angle. How does it all really work? When you journal draw or doodle your thoughts, things and people you saw that day.

Doodling can bring a whole new aspect and resource to your writing.

"I write very freely at first, just tons of stuff. At that stage, I try not to revise at all. If the editor in my head comes in too soon and says, ugh, this isn't good, then nothing ever gets past the early steps." Phoebe Gilman

"There are some days when I go to sit down at my drawing table and I just want to cry. Sometimes I do cry. But I've learned to keep working - even if I'm messing up and making mistakes." Trina Schart Hyman

"Nonsense wakes up the brain." Theodor Seuss Geisel

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Sunday March 28, 2004  

I've been going to use this title for ages and ages. But each time I start writing something erotic and fictional to go with it I end up pulling the plug somewhere along the way. It's a good title but nothing I have written lives up to it.

You were hoping I would say "until now..." But I'm not. No, still nothing fictional to come along after this introductory ramble. But, I do think of Eric as the Mad Scientist in the Bedroom. At least my bedroom.

It is really comfortable to have someone you can try out ideas with. He doesn't get shocked or look at me like I'm trashy or over sexed, etc. He likes my ideas. Of course, there is a down side to that. It is kind of fun being shocking. I liked to flash Todd knowing the street was right outside our big window. Now, how will I shock Eric? It will really take some extra devious thinking. I'm pretty sure I'm up to it. I won't offer any previews cause that Brat reads this side of BackWash first.

Our first night together was maybe the best. Which is funny considering how uptight I was to begin with. We went out for dinner, like a real date (I haven't done much of that) and then we came back to my place. Like a real different kind of date. Why is it that I always end up doing the very things other nice grrls don't do? My life is so odd. Not like me at all.

Anyway, we came back to my place. We talked a bit, it was kind of awkward for me at least. Mostly I was thinking "OK, now what do we do!". No TV cause there wasn't any comfortable place to sit with him. No place to sit at all really but for the beds in the bedrooms upstairs. That is just one of the problems of having your house renovated when you meet some mad scientist and bring him home with you.

We ended up talking in the bedroom upstairs. Looking out the window into the backyard and looking past that to the road crossing my street. Talking about him and his family and whatever else came along. I don't really remember. I was still in that "what do we do now" limbo. At some point I just decided that I wasn't going to stay in limbo. I said something and left the bedroom, with it's king sized bed and single pillow and single man. When I came back I was wearing the nightgown I had planned to wear for him that first night. It was long, silky and burgundy. Low cut in front. I shouldn't admit that I originally bought that one for my honeymoon.

I can't quite remember how things progressed from there. For me it was taking a mad leap, kind of daring and a turn on too. Eric was pleased. He said nice things about how soft I am. I liked the way he touched me. We stood together just holding each other. I wasn't quite ready for the full light treatment so he plugged in the bedside light after hunting for the plugs (renovations/ new house).

We ended up in the bed, after lots of time standing together. I liked it all. I liked being nibbled on. I liked being held and told how pretty I am. I think I said nice things too, I really don't remember now. The parts that stand out are the holding, the neck biting and later when I bawled and interrupted everything until I could shut off my water works. The eyeball kind, not the kitty kind. Now you're curious... It wasn't a big deal I just suddenly realized how empty things were before with the ex and how I never really was allowed to touch him. He used to like lying spoon fashion. When you lie that way he has access (if he wants it) but you can't really move your arms back there to do any touching of your own. It's an empty way to lie in bed with someone. Maybe at the end when you've touched all you want to.

Anyway, I'm still kind of the wallflower virgin. Yet to finish and completely have sex with anyone. Late to the party. It's really funny when you think that I don't have sex cause I might get pregnant. Yet, here I am, approaching 40, looking menopause in the gaping jaw and knowing I'd still like to have a child of my own. But, maybe when it's all over and I'm taking hormones so I won't grow too much facial hair I will finally get some, sex that is. Maybe by then I won't even care any more. I don't think my Mom is as interested as she used to be. That may squick some people but I've never been squicked by the thought of my parent's having sex. Knowing them as I do I just find it amazing that they have 4 kids.

No one knows how life will fall out. Did you know there is a computer game called Fall Out? I played it once long ago. I remember it as being chased by zombie things that can only move painfully slow yet somehow manage to catch up with you when you least expect it. Life is like that too. Full of unexpected things. Some are not great, like zombies and some are exceptionally wonderful, like a mad scientist in your bedroom.

Originally posted to Sex Kitten (2003 - 2004)

Do you handle your stress or does it handle you? I've found a way to do both, to my satisfaction.

Stress should be spelt with a few zeds, it's just that kind of word. Trendy geek types have been adding zeds to words like crackz, hackerz and warez. But, they missed strezz.

How do you handle strezz? Do you throw things, yell at people or take it out on other people in more random ways? My Dad handled strezz by abusing his family. I have tried not to be that way. Maybe I've tried too hard. I'm not aggressive enough. I don't really go after things as hard as I could cause I don't want to be pushy or step on toes.

How do I handle strezz? Sometimes I hit inanimate objects. When the trunk of my car slammed into my head the other day I retaliated by slamming my hand into it. Then I chose my next strezz handling option, crying. I cried all the way into the house. Then I started my next strezz handlation, denial. The next day I was over it but for a very sore head and bruises on my wrist. Denial works, sort of, it keeps everything from swallowing me up. If I really thought about everything I think I would just sink into some dark abyss and never been seen again.

My best strezz handlation (sure that's a word!) is orgasm. In bed at night, if I'm not so tired I fall asleep before I have an orgasm, that's where I beat strezz. None of the other options really work but strezz orgasms aren't always available. You can't have a strezz orgasm at work. I guess you could go into the public washroom but some part of my mind wonders about security cameras and those jerks who set up spy cameras to later sell upskirt and other (not illegal apparently) pictures on the Internet.

In the end the best time to relieve strezz for me is late at night. After I've dealt with email, family and work in general. It's quiet, dark, the bed is comfortable and I'm by myself. It's nice to be alone in the dark. No one making demands or expecting anything from me. Just me, my clit and my fingers. I don't need anything else but now and then I add a toy, filler literally. I don't know why it is that every now and then I just want something inside me. It doesn't give me a better orgasm or make me orgasm any sooner. It's just a needful thing, the odd time. Usually, I just stroke my clit. I know exactly how to do it, I have plenty of practice.

I started when I was a kid, not even a teenager. Back then I didn't know why I did it and I stopped long before having an orgasm. It was years before I let that happen, I had no idea what it was or if I wanted it to happen. Curiosity led me to it. During one of my fantasies I just kept going past the point I usually stopped at. Those orgasms weren't nearly as good as the ones I have now. They were ok.

These days my orgasms are long and drawn out. I think I could make it last forever, or until my fingers got too tired. I've found if I rub my clit very slowly right after the first barely there rush of the orgasm the thing just goes on forever, not finishing, just hanging in there till I remove my fingers. It's good. Then, strezz released along with other things, I go to sleep. Nights when I can't sleep I have an orgasm too. If I curl up and get comfortable right after it always works. As an added plus, on really cold nights an orgasm warms the bed up too.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday March 20, 2004  

I review sex blogs, journals and resources for sex blogs and journals. You might think that was a lot of fun, pretty stimulating too. Mostly it's on the dull side.

Sites are all too often hard to navigate, full of links to paying sites and no content of their own or they just don't interest me. I will list most of the sites that fall into the realm of bloggishness. Not the spammy ones or those not updated more than every now and then when they get a round tuit. If you wouldn't read it why should it be listed? That's my theory anyway.

Today there were 3 sites submitted to the adult journals category. Of the three one was last updated August, 2003. An obvious spam for a phone sex service. Deleted, with a note added in case it is re-submitted. Saves me some time and clicking.

The other two were worthy of consideration. One was a blog service type of thing. Not really all that interesting but I listed it anyway. It did seem to be getting updated and for someone browsing the web it would be useful. The other site was an actual sex blog, with a journal and everything. I listed it and skimmed along myself. I did not get turned on. But, did check out her links before leaving. From there I found one other good site and listed that too.

So, now you know. All the perks of being a sex blog reviewer. One nice plus is finding links to add to BackWash. What? You thought I just found them all by my sweet little self? No, I think most of them come from browsing one site to the next. You never know where you will end up. Of course, another interesting way to find links is to randomly type something in to a search and see what oddities come along. Usually I can find at least one unusual and interesting site that way.

Not a very interesting journal this time. I'm just not feeling up to it. But, I thought you might be missing me. We dragons do have our egos.

What would you rather be doing? Here you sit at this machine, your face plugged into a monitor your fingers slaving away over a keyboard, chances are you aren't really all that comfortable sitting there... what would you rather be doing?

Think about it. Take your time.... well, ok take all of a minute. I can wait that long.

So? What would you rather be doing than writing? How about sailing, dancing, traveling, swimming, spending money at the mall, enjoying a really good coffee, kissing your sweetheart... it can become quite a list.

So, when you procrastinate instead of writing, why do you tend to do things not even on your list of things you'd rather be doing?

Don't give me that innocent look.

Next time you start to procrastinate by playing some computer game, watching the soaps, checking for email and so on and on, stop and think. What would you really rather be doing?

Then take some time and do it. At least a modified version of whatever you would rather be doing.

Writing is a job but it's not a torture. If you don't give yourself a break you will suffer and so will your writing. But, make sure you take a real break. Don't just aimlessly procrastinate then feel guilty for it later. Accomplish something and feel good. Come back to your computer ready and happy to write. Refresh yourself by doing something you really would rather be doing.

Besides, everyone knows writing isn't a real job. Our cover is blown, might as well make the most of it.