The day after a big holiday is kind of funny feeling. Maybe some people get afterglow, or a sick feeling from all that sugar. I just feel as if things were spinning and have suddenly stopped. That moment of pause before it all starts back up again. Things almost seem to be in slow motion for a time. Then, someone says something and the spell is broken. I felt that way yesterday.

I drove home in slow motion. I stopped twice for coffee and book reading. Have you ever done that? Just parked somewhere and read a book inside your car. It’s nice, a bit crowded with the steering wheel, but a pleasant pause. No one bothers you or expects you to do anything (other than leave eventually). It’s a nice moment in life. I only bought one coffee actually, I just drank it cold the second time I stopped.

Then, the rest of life has to be faced again. I am still being hounded by my family. (Get a job – writing isn’t a job – a job has a steady paycheque with lots of numbers). They want me to sign away myself and take social assistance. I did that once, many years ago. I never felt fully human again. Today, if I do this again, give into their pressure I think I will just give up and die eventually. How low can you sink? Once you get there, what’s really left of you. Not much.

So, today (shortly) I am going to sell myself short for the last time. Before I give in to them I am going to try all the stores again. Another round on the house. Dragging my resume behind me to the grocery stores, the dollar stores and all the other low paying jobs that are just jobs, work to be done. There’s no joy in job. It’s work. It’s going nowhere and trying to not care. I am the family nobody and I do it well.

Ignore me today. I’m just down in the dumps. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have a job and get back to my regularly scheduled life.

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