The Outcast Smurf

If you think about it, there is always an outcast in every story, even the Smurfs had that grumpy guy that never fit in and was kind of tolerated rather than really accepted and etc. Gilligan’s Island had Gilligan. Sure, he was the namesake of the show but he was tolerated, the group simpleton, but he was not someone who really fit in. I seem to be the Outcast Smurf often. I never quite figure out why this is and I’m not being melodramatic or whining. Just writing my own monologue as usual.

I am no longer writing for SK. Do I miss it? No. I wasn’t sure what I would be thinking or feeling at first. I put it on the back burner and dealt with all the other feelings awhile. That’s where the Outcast Smurf deal comes from. I’ve always been that odd one out. From a kid in school to the present. I’m ok with it, I don’t mind being alone. In a lot of ways it is much simpler than dealing with people and all their politics. Anyway, do you really want to keep people around who abandon you when you have tough times? No, there isn’t anything anyone can do to help but at least you would think they could not toss you overboard. Well, so what? Onwards, I have my own life raft tucked away in my handy backpack. I’ve rescued myself countless times already. I didn’t even cry more than a minute this time.

Bugger it all. You can’t say bugger it around too many people. They give you sort of shocked and funny/ odd looks. I doubt they know what ‘bugger it’ means, for me, personally. It would loosely translate as ‘be damned’ maybe. Likely you have your own phrase of choice for those times when you throw in the towel, pick up your toys and move along. Or when you know you are about a hundred dollars short on paying the rent this month and you say ‘bugger it’ and treat yourself to breakfast out for an extra $5. What huge difference will another 5 make when you’re already short 100. Just think bugger it and get on with the slow crawl to where ever you’re eventually winding up.

What else can I babble on about uselessly now….?

There is a guy at work, I don’t know if he is married or single. But, at first, I was watching him and then playing up when I knew he was listening (or able to hear). But, when he never made any approach or showed that he knew I was on the planet especially I just started not bothering. Yes, I watched him, but more as a writer than a woman looking for possibilities. Turns out that he knows my name. Sure we wear our names on our chests at work, nametags. But, he knew my name enough to use it twice now. I don’t think he could have seen my tag at the time either. For one thing he was too far away the other day. The time before I was serving a customer (I’m a cashier at a store) and the tag wasn’t very visible as I was reaching into the register for change. But, does it matter when (point A) I don’t know if he is married or single and (point B) he has not asked me out for coffee or anything else. Such is my dating history, pretty much flat lining.

I didn’t do much for St. Patrick’s Day. It was kind of nice working that day even though I was hoping I would have the day off. I always consider it a family holiday for my Grandmother and her sisters, County Cork, Ireland. I think it was Cork, she won’t be too impressed with me if I’ve remembered wrong now. She isn’t around to remind me. Anyway, it’s her day and I miss her. I wore green pants to work and Lillian brought in shamrock stickers which she passed out to everyone. She stuck one on my face which was kind of funny, a shamrock beauty mark.

I may quit the job on Sunday when I have my review. Odd timing that the review came up now. I picked up an application for Zehrs today, same job but no credit card selling. Same lifting of endless mountains of stuff. Oh how I hate stuff, cartloads of it. People just can’t know how I cringe inside as they wheel it all up. Worse only are the people who ignore me or are out right grumps. What is it like to live like that and why would they choose to be that way? Can’t they see how being pleasant is so much better in so many ways? Also, I give discounts to people who are chatty and pleasant. The others can bugger it, I don’t go out of my way for them. “You thought it was on sale, oh? Ho-hum, I guess it’s not. Do you still want it?” If only they knew that a little eye contact, a smile, a few words of social pleasantness could have gotten them somewhere. Instead they are no where, just living in the land of grumpiness where they can remain and likely will. Likely they think everyone is just like they are. You tend to find what you expect to find. I expect better and usually find it, even if I do coax it out of people. It does make the day pass by a lot faster. I will never understand those grumpers, what kind of a life is that?

Not writing for SK is kind of liberating. I had a couple of other things on the go but I let them get crowded out to be there for SK and such. Now, I can re-sort the priorities and I am even going to work on getting out an article for one of the writing magazines. There’s a worthy goal. 🙂

Also, I was in Dmoz tonight and found a site by a woman chef with kids, husband and her own business. It was a nice site, pretty graphics and recipes and a forum and other stuff I didn’t really get into looking at. But, I was thinking that here is a site and a woman I would like to interview and she might not have wanted to be interviewed as part of SK. But, now I could do something on my own. But, do I want to run a site for women? One, there are quite a lot of them out there. Two, do I want more stuff I HAVE to do? Three, what for? I think three is winning out. Yes, it would be nice but what for? Web content should have a purpose and a focus, I don’t have a tight enough grip on either of those to start taking leaping lizards all over the place. It isn’t something I will just forget about, but… I get endless ideas, ambitions and passions that I have to narrow it down to things that are actually important and workable enough. Practical too.

I found a couple of quotes tonight. The first was in a magazine I browsed while I was out. The second came from the chef’s website and I found the third myself when I went looking for more Agatha Christie quotes.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainty that just to be alive is a grand thing.” – Agatha Christie

“Most successes are unhappy. That’s why they are successes – they have to reassure themselves about themselves by achieving something that the world will notice.” -Agatha Christie

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